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July 7, 2020

I Wanted to Save You

If people are finding you challenging and difficult, if you are so misunderstood, if you keep on hurting people because you yourself are hurting, if you can no longer see the perspective of others, if you know nothing but your own pain, if you choose to wallow on your sadness and turn it to anger that destroys everything and everyone around you, if you keep blaming others for every wrong thing that you do, if you refuse to take accountability for your actions brought about by your own decisions, if everything that happens to your life seem to be the fault or everyone around you, if you know nothing but your own needs and your own pain, if you are chained to all of these things no matter what, I pity you.

I feel sorry for you because you cannot seem to escape from the prison you created for yourself. I feel sad that no matter how much love and help and understanding is given to you, you refuse all of it and choose to stay in the dark room that you made your familiar comfort. I feel sorry for you when you find no hope in the situation and that no matter how I try to save you, you choose to go back to the dark. I feel sorry for you because no matter how many miles I swim for you and with you, you choose to drown yourself into the abyss of unhappy tears that you shed for years. I pity you because after so many years of being wounded you cannot seem to heal, because it seems that you refuse to heal. I feel sorry for you because you closed your door to any cure, to any antidote, to any light. I feel sorry for you because you cannot feel the love that people are giving you no matter how unconditional it is. I feel sorry for you because you deprive yourself of the joy and peace that you so deserve, that you very much so need. I feel sorry for you that you no longer know empathy, sympathy, unselfishness, honesty, sincerity, care for others, love for others, and more so love and care for yourself. Indeed, you cannot give what you do not have. I feel sorry for you because I see that your life has led you to your own destruction.

I don’t blame you. I can’t blame you. Something has happened to you that is why you are like this now. Something or someone has hurt you so bad that you cannot seem to take it anymore and it led you to the life you live now.

I am not mad at you. I gave you all I have because I wanted to. You might have taken all of those for granted but I feel no regret because I gave it my all, because I gave for the reason that I wanted to give. I did not ask for anything in return. I did not lie to you, I did not manipulate you, I did not have any vested interest. I never did amd I never will. All I wanted was to give, to help, and to make you feel loved. I want you to know love again, to know care, to know selflessness. But I can only do so much.

Now all I can think of is, “What happened to you?”

I feel sorry for whatever happened to you that caused you to be who you are now, that caused you to live the life that you have now.

I hope and pray that you find goodness in this world and live the life that you deserve.
I wish you well.

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