The world stopped and I finally felt I had a chance to catch up.

The breath I’ve been holding onto for so long as if it would be my last – I was finally able to release it.

It was someone else’s last breath somewhere else.

And that person was just as valuable as I am, and I thought,

“should I feel guilty?”

 

If you belong to the minority that shared this experience,

you belong just as much as the majority who doesn’t.

We

All

Belong

And we all deserve to breathe.

The irony of it all is it’s an airborne virus – Covid_19 – and depending on your circumstances and how you are dealing with it and the powers beyond your control, it either takes your breath away or gives you life.

I was born to an upperclass Jewish Israeli American family. My dad started his company from scratch – he wasn’t born into money and neither was my headstrong mom. But they built themselves and I was born into the rewards they reaped.

They knew how to discipline and say “no”.

I wasn’t the stigmatized “spoiled brat”.

       They knew modesty and gave me the privileges they didn’t have.

I never appreciated boastfulness.

       They knew how to encourage me to build my own success.

I had passion and let it drive me.

But they didn’t know that I would get burnt out and lost in my endeavors.

I didn’t know that I could get lost.

I was a straight A student and put in my all in every class I undertook.

תפסת מרובה לא תפסת

This saying in Hebrew (I read it in a fable when I was a kid and didn’t know until recently it was part of the Talmud, the collection of the historic rabbis’ debates and discussions on what the Torah means”) means:

‘You tried to catch everything that you didn’t catch anything.’

I was a film student.

Filmmaking is a teamwork-driven craft. You want to excel in one aspect, and work with someone who excels in another. Your positions should compliment each other. Be good at One thing. Only ONE thing.

Be an expert cinematographer.

Be an expert sound mixer.

Be an expert gaffer.

Be an expert art designer.

Or be a Production Assistant and excited to learn

as opposed to afraid of messing up on account of the production.

This fear of incompetence manifested into my application to jobs. I put in just enough to feel like I tried, but not enough to really go through with it – like running in a soccer match just fast enough to touch the ball but not fast enough to kick it in case you succeed and accidentally kick someone’s foot

or don’t succeed and ruin the game for everyone else.

This is not a sob story. We all struggle a little bit in life. You have to take the bad with the good. Or maybe, change your interpretation altogether. Experience your entire range of emotion. You’re so human and hurt and happiness, it’s all the colors of the rainbow you are privileged to acquaint with. They are feelings that meet you where you are. You can separate from them, but give them the compassion they need before you send them on their way. You don’t become a better version of yourself if you’re judging yourself and your experience, constantly – on the contrary, it just adds to the emotional weight and makes you a less compassionate person. But the world doesn’t exist in black and white.

A lot of the tacit rules of this world are conspiracy theories we’ve told ourselves and now we believe.

I was playing Janne Robinson‘s first session of her online workshop “Meet Yourself in Truth” and she gave me a revelation: The best way to thrive is in my “zone of genius”:

“Your zone of genius is when you are living from your authentic and unique abilities,” she says.

I love to write. My thoughts flow out when I am overwhelmingly involved in whatever emotion took me.

I love to teach yoga. I feel empowered building the energy in the room with the students and feeling that solidarity together.

I love community building. My door is always open (physically and metaphorically) – everyone shows up for coffee with out calling prior. I host hybrid yoga events and strive to make everyone feel welcome and accepted.

I love planning events.

I love bringing lightness, energy, and inner peace to people.

I love people.

My life could revolve around these Loves.

And now that the world has stopped, it’s the worst time to operate a business

but it’s the best time to develop a business.

If you feel stuck,

if you can’t do anything about your circumstances,

do something through your circumstances.

If you’re unemployed, hone a skill so you can build a livelihood in what gives you life.

You are alive. You are nonstop evolving. So evolve intentionally.

I’ll hold your hand through it. We can cry some days. We can write passionately others. We can build ourselves. And we can fall. And the ground will catch us. We can feel unsupported. And those days, we’ll have to support ourselves. And that’s okay. I’m nowhere near where I want to be – I don’t feel emotionally at peace right now. I’m not living my truth fully. I’m scared of all these self-limiting beliefs – the masks I’ve worn for so long, I don’t feel strong enough to take them off.

But you can only be strong when you feel weak.

It doesn’t count when it’s easy to make the “strong” decision – there is not much at risk.

You can only be courageous when you’re scared.

So be scared. And feel weak. You’re surviving. And one day, you will thrive.

Let’s take off this mask and replace it with our n95 mask – it’s the only one with hopes of protecting us.

 

Stay safe.

I’m here for you.

You’re here for you.

It will be okay. This is not The End.

Stay Tuned.

 

Feel free to join me on FB/IG Yoga Break – You Deserve It for a safe space to relieve your mental stress, muscle tension, and feel solidarity.

I want to relieve the financial burden through this economic crisis,

I want to relieve the gym-withdrawal symptoms,

I want to relieve the social-distancing derived loneliness

through just one hour a day together to laugh as we fall out of poses, to get out of our head and into our body, and to stay healthy and safe.

Do what you need and know that you’re not alone. You deserve it.