I’ve been falling in love, painfully, slowly for the last 38 years. My resistance has been incredible, clawing back towards sanity like a cat up a tree. Yet I find myself once again watching the world around me and succumbing to something I cannot understand but also cannot deny.
Dear Humanity. I think I love you.
The problem is, I don’t think you even know I exist.
That there is more to your world, then what you see around you.
Feel within you.
Or sense next to you.
Then again, I’ve only discovered
the beauty within your existence.
The depth you feel.
The pain. The joy. The despair. The desire.
The power of your depths that bring even a being to their knees.
The universe is far beyond the confined boundaries of your mind. In fact, if you were to let go and follow your under conscious self, you’d discover a wonderfully frightening reality. One that would shake your barriers and help you uncover the delicious realization that reality extends far beyond your understanding.
Yet I recognize, these self-inflicted boundaries you’ve put into place, and wonder, if this is one way you intensify your experience. Causing all of these waves of emotions, to form, swell and crash against the walls until they break.
I’m falling even more in love with you.
I’m standing here for you.
And at times I’m standing for myself.
This world is a strange place to my being.
I’m an orphan of the human species. Or perhaps I never really belonged.
Since my conception, I’ve been lost. No parents, no family, no belonging and sometimes I wonder if I’ve even had a normal soul.
As the years have gone by I’ve come to think of the soul as a slightly sleepy entity. Eyes drooping as it glimpses occasionally out towards the world, checking to ensure the path the body is on, is in fact the correct road. Yet with often minimal power given by the mind to adjust, unless a sudden burst of power reigns through.
I don’t think I have one of those.
Although my eyes may at time be similar to the bedroom pair you’d find in movies, with heavy lids and a bit of sleep hidden within the corners, it feels that my inner self, my fire is always on watch.
It is exhausting. Empowering. And yet, lonely.
I am a young being born too soon to a fierce world.
To watch the human realm from above is to witness a play of epic proportions. It is a drama filled with heartache and disappointment.
There are moments where the clouds part to allow rays of hope back into broken souls, when some tears become filled with joy and hope and finally there are for me the most enthralling scenes when one of your species discovers courage and the ecstasy of internal liberation
I shudder at your devastation and stare in awe at your triumphs.
I cheer you on like a fan you never knew existed just for you.
And in all of this, I sing for you. And for me. For existence.