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August 21, 2020

The alchemy of expressing rather than repressing

My spirit is shaped & weathered by the ever moving tides of experiences & emotions that life brings.
Through these I keep learning and evolving, and this is truly a process of ALCHEMY, a process of refinement of my energetic presence in the world. 

This learning occurs step by step, sometimes leap by leap. And those steps aren’t always in a ‘forward’ motion.
Through these days I am reminding myself to hold compassion for myself AS I AM in each moment, while also holding myself accountable for my continued growth. This means not giving in to the tendency to contract & hide when I stumble, when I feel hurt by something or when things don’t ‘flow’ as I would like.
Yes, sometimes I f*ck up. Especially if my heart is achey, or my attention is divided, or when I haven’t had the opportunity to express as I need. Or y’know what – sometimes its when I just haven’t been held, nervous system to nervous system.

By nature I am an emotional person, sensitive, attuned to others and my environment. As a mother I am constantly tracking the world around me, attentive to subtle changes in the field.  I see this as a gift, as long as I move & EXPRESS energy through my body – by movement, by a simple breathe of presence in nature or by actual human communication.

When I notice an unsettledness arising, it is can be particularly powerful to express whats up to other humans who I am in relationship with, intimate or otherwise – and this is sometimes scary (!). There’s the risk of not getting it right, of letting my vulnerabilities be seen & heard, of being pushed back, of not holding it all together!
There are definitely times when I act & express from a wounded, tender place… not a very empowered one. Sigh. And those moments leave me feeling ……down.
Yet here is where the learning occurs. In the discomfort. In the unknown.
And often the contraction can shift into expansion once a sharing or expression occurs. This is the ALCHEMY.

But if I shut myself down, which has been my ‘old pattern’ I end up  playing the pretending game, which ultimately hurts me. And reactivity rears it ugly head.
Whereas I know that when I embody & express with strength & grace, it is powerful!

So here I am refining my expression through words in communication. I recognise this as an alchemy, an art form.

In the crucible of relationship this is a super powerful way to know ourselves and to sharpen our awareness. Our words, our subtle & nuanced expressions, our body language…… they offers the opportunity to develop the ability to consciously communicate depth, power, and love through our bodies.

When we can express – a huge amount of energy becomes available to us. A sense of aliveness & vitality pulses through our bodies and the expansion encourages us to ask for & be open to receive what we truly desire in life & love.

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