With people’s vastly different reactions to this pandemic, I too had my thoughts. But it was like putting two magnets together, I was being pulled back and forth between feeling secure and feeling vulnerable.

On TV, I enjoy the thrill of Area 51 documentaries, CIA movies, and good guy vs bad guy.

My alter ego is always the black ops guy, the a..kicking navy seal or the legend who is the only one that can save the world. In those worlds, it doesn’t matter if they are male or female, I’m just the good guy who defeats the bad guy (or alien.)

But their was a more compelling mystery in watching those stories.

Those secret missions, covert operations, and ideas around alien life where my alter ego battles life, is actually my fierce desire to know myself. They are my informants, my weapons, and my potential happy endings.

Like any good confidential informant, they offer valuable information. These fictional characters trigger something within my soul.

When I feel confident and more at peace with myself and the aliens portrayed in these stories are angelic beings that want to help humanity, the a…kickers are heroes who save us all from terrorists, and bad guys always lose.

But, when I’m feeling more fearful, angels become creatures who want to suck our world dry of resources and annihilate us in the process; a…kickers are just cowards acting violently against another, and the bad guy gets away with the crime.

Here’s the thing. The universe is always offering us feedback. Whether you’re a Netflix buff, a book reader or just enjoy conversations with friends, communication act as resonance from the infinite source.

It’s an invitation for you to witness what you’re feeling and to reach out if you need help. We all have our own way of connecting to source energy, and we all get to choose between good and bad, sometimes bobbling between the two. Ultimately, it’s the side you spend most of your time on that will win.

Both extremes give insight into where I’m placing my energy. I feel the emotional reaction and it helps me see what I need to work on to make my outer world match my deepest values.

If I find myself watching too many movies that offend my sensibilities, I know it’s time to look at where that’s resonating in my life.

For example, when I feel defeated, the swat team is reminding me that honor and camaraderie prevail, and the bad guys won’t win. It revealed the negative space I was holding inside myself with my feeling unsupported. It tells me that if I reach out to those who have my back, the negative feeling won’t win.

Contrast exists in humanity. It shows up in films, politics, books, everywhere, and maybe it’s there for us to always be able to notice the choices we’re making.

Yes, sometimes a cake is just a cake. I watch films for entertainment, but also to observe my attitude and make a conscious choice of what side I want to be on. They help me figure out what my goals and dreams are, what I want from life and where I am with that.

Of course, I want to be the …kicking heroine, but she also needs to be aware of the coward inside of herself so she can keep it in check.

Perhaps the next time you’re engrossed in a film or a book, notice where you see yourself in that character. You might be surprised and if not, that too tells you something.