3.6
September 11, 2020

Remembering You Amongst the Waves.

Some days,

I’m haunted by the knowledge that I’ll never experience your radiant smile, the feeling of your heartbeat on my cheek, your soothing voice, or your strong embrace in this existence again.

Some days,

I recall the mischievous twinkle in your eye, and it makes me smile knowing you’re onto your next big adventure.

Some days,

I’m haunted by your words, “I finally found my girl,” “I’ve never missed anyone this much,” “Let’s get senile together while we sit on the porch, watching sunsets and listening to music.”

Some days,

I’m haunted by my last vision of you with tear-filled eyes saying, “Don’t go,” as I boarded my flight.

Some days,

I remember the flood of euphoria when meeting for the first time, and it gives me enough joy and hope to continue living with an open heart.

Some days,

I lay awake in the darkness of the night, reveling in the memory of your body holding mine so tightly, caressing my skin so softly.

Some days,

I’m haunted by your awakening from a nightmare, a consequence of courageous acts, declaring, “Don’t worry, I won’t let them kill you.”

Some days,

I’m comforted by remembering you said that sleeping next to me was the most restful, peaceful sleep you’ve had in years.

Some days,

I’m haunted by the last song you sent me, proclaiming, “Don’t look too far, right where you are, that’s where I am. I’m your man, I’m your man.”

Some days,

The only thing that gives me life are the very breaths we exchanged those nights, while fully living and loving together.

Some days,

I’m haunted by your acknowledgment of a foretelling quote I shared, “To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go; to let it go.” ~ Mary Oliver

Some days,

I long to feel your presence, and you send an oak leaf my way. When I ask if it was you, another appears, and I’m consumed by your warmth and a smile.

Some days,

I’m haunted by the notion that I could’ve done something, anything to change the course.

Some days,

I’m reminded of my courage within—to love you so whole-heartedly, that you’ll continue to live within me for all of my days.

Every day,

I find you…amongst the waves.

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