Today I am on a break—from my feelings, emotions, and the problems of the world.
When I woke up this morning, I wanted to smile.
There, I said it—loud and clear—I am on a break from my feelings.
Nothing much has changed since last night. I know everything is pretty much the same—the problems of the world, and confusion of my own existence.
I woke up with this awesome, warm, cozy, coffee-like feeling inside me. I just want to smile for some goddamn reason that even I don’t know.
Today feels like a break day.
I want to sit by the window and soak in the sunshine. Just lie there and “be.” It is pure, absolute bliss; being happy in your mind and space, when anything outside of you floats away into oblivion. The space where only you exist, not your body and mind, and the drama that comes attached with it—thoughts, emotions, intelligence, but only you. Today, I am in that space. Blissful!
Do you remember the time in your life when there was a smile lurking in the corner? When there was a spark in your eyes and a song in your heart? What was it? Youth, love, innocence, or plain stupidity?
You know what? It doesn’t matter what it was. What matters is that I would prefer “that” any given day. Because in “that” was the feeling of security and love and hope that all will be well. That the sun will rise tomorrow, again, and it will be better than today. In “that” was the surrender to faith—that I will be taken care of, and I don’t have to fight every battle alone.
Growing up, that feeling was lost somewhere. Life happened, or I think social conditioning happened; the so-called education happened that turned every success and failure into a competition and every feeling into a monster. Rather than letting go, which is life’s innate nature, I clung onto every feeling and emotion.
I took myself too seriously and forgot that I am just a minuscule particle in the larger scheme of the universe. I separated myself from that universe that made me whole, trying to find my individuality rather than merging with nature.
I carried all the burden on my not-so-strong shoulders, not realizing that people around me care for me, at least some of them do. Why did a few bad experiences gain so much power over me? My life is not defined by them. Why does it feel nothing good is left in the world? Was I conditioned to think like this, and who benefitted from this? Why do I always end up focussing on things that I don’t have rather than acknowledging what I have?
Look around you, almost everyone believes that the world is ending—there’s a pandemic, climate crisis, dirty politicians, relationships going sour—practically everything that you can think of is wrong.
But will the world actually end? I don’t know. But I do know that my sulking around isn’t going to save me let, alone the world. But me doing my bit and surrendering to nature might do the trick—save both me and the world.
Individually, we all lose something along the way, but collectively, we will survive anything and everything. Today, I become part of that collective consciousness.
Age does this to you, everything comes with a perspective. I don’t feel guilty about choosing to be happy today. For not being passionate about anything at all. It feels like I am floating above everything, and the view isn’t bad from here. I shall live to fight another day, but today I am on a break—from my feelings, emotions, and problems. It will all fall into place somehow. I believe this firmly.
I wish I could start a new trend today: “Take a Break from Yourself Day.” There is no need to be so full of ourselves all the time. Put yourself aside for a moment and feel what is actually alive and kicking inside you. Give it a chance.
I am going to call it “My Sunshine Day.” I will get back when, and if, I get back.
So today, I don’t want any of these questions or answers around me.
Today I choose to be happy.
Today, I choose to heal.
Today, I choose to smile.