*Warning: Naughty language ahead!
No one sees them coming.
No one even suspects they are like that—from the outside. Hell, they don’t even realize it themselves.
They make you constantly feel crazy.
Truthfully speaking, I’ve been a little narcissistic, and done some fucked-up shit in my past, too. But I slowly learned, grew, and dealt with the shit that attached me to that type of behavior.
An interaction recently left me reeling, falling, and crumbling. I had to dig deep about why I keep putting myself in those types of situations. Why I allow myself to be vulnerable to that form of pain—time and time again.
The thing about a narcissist is they make you feel like you are crazy:
“Did it happen like that?”
“Am I remembering it wrong?”
We start questioning our sanity and put ourselves in an anxious state.
But I know, now, that everyone has their perception of things; my experience allows me to see from my perspective, and they will see from theirs.
Instead of debating my perspective with someone, which always ends in something ugly being said, instead of playing the “you hurt me, I hurt you” game—I acknowledge that I was the one that kept going back for more.
And I can choose—this time—to walk away.
I’ve learnt well.
After a few cries over why I allowed myself to be hurt by this person, again: Boo-hoo, ego is a bitch. I realized that I didn’t acknowledge how much space that ego was taking up.
I allowed myself some time to feel through it, to allow my emotions to have some space—amidst a hectic Monday, with deadlines and fucking technological difficulties. Despite all this, I still allowed my emotions some space and sacred ritual.
And I’m feeling a hell of a lot fucking better.
Some cords need to be cut fiercely—severed so hard—they cannot ever be put back together. Here are three rituals that helped me:
I acknowledge the three little Starseeds who have been jerking the waterworks leading up to this and have helped me heal through ritual—thank you.
1. The first cord-cutting ritual I found was one on Vice: A Witch’s Guide to Cord Cutting, the Simple Ritual to Get Over Your Ex by Sophie Saint Thomas. The waning phase of the moon is a great time to perform this cord-cutting ritual. This ritual was cute and easy to do.
2. I also found this gem: Cut the Cord: Practice the Cord-Cutting Meditation by Gabby Bernstein.
3. The third magical practice that helped me cut cords with my ex was Emotional Tapping Therapy—of which I am a huge fan. I’ll be repeating this one a few times.
What I’ve learned from these rituals, and creating space for myself is this:
>> Allow emotions space. Don’t let them be pushed back in your busy schedule, even if you think you are dealing with it—make time and space.
>> Step back and look at every thing from an outside perspective.
>> Ask for help. The people around you love you; they are there for you. Ask for help, even if it’s just to hold space for you.
>> All the answers you need are within.
>> Stop being so fucking frustrated at things. Just be, baby.
>> And stop fucking walking into situations with a narcissist because you think they have changed. They know exactly what they are saying and doing.
>> Acknowledge the parts of you that keep going back—deal with it, heal it—and move on.
You cannot complain about being hurt over and over again if you keep putting yourself in the same situation.
You are capable.
You are worthy.
You are worthy of taking up space.
You are safe.
In love, light, and zero fucks,