The story has been as such: you broke up with me completely out of nowhere.
But, that’s not the truth, is it? We were falling apart, and I just didn’t want to see it.
There’s something to be said for the beautiful beginnings. When we ignore each other’s “flaws,” and we spend hours just soaking each other up under the soft, pandemic, afternoon light in a park outside. There’s something to be said for diving in head-first. Getting to know your friends. And you, just a few of mine because I live abroad and don’t know too many people just yet.
There’s something to be said for the ease of falling. How easy it was to fall for you. And I didn’t want to think about the what-ifs. The so-called “flags,” which are really just another word for boundaries and being treated right.
I don’t see it as a mistake anymore. But a lesson. Isn’t that how all great love stories must end?
My friend and I used to always say to each other after a breakup, at least we learned something. And I continue to tell myself that now as I sit here, months later, still trying to piece together how it all went so wrong. How you can go from planning a trip together, planning how you promised you would build me a wood oven pizza in our future house, how you talked about what we’ll do over the holidays on a Wednesday evening, and say you don’t want to do this anymore on a Monday afternoon.
I could go around and around wondering how you could do this to me—to us. But this thinking is not helpful. Instead, I acknowledge my part in our downfall. How we co-created this breakup. How there were things that you had to come into my life to teach me; lessons that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise and may have gone on for years not realizing.
Even though it sucks, at least we learned something.
And I don’t say this out of pride—I have no shame in admitting that our ending wasn’t originally my choosing (aka dumped). But closure and moving on has been about realizing that when the rose-coloured glasses faded away, when I looked back at the relationship with clarity, with logic, and understanding, it makes sense we didn’t work out.
Not every relationship is meant to last. And soon, I do hope to be able to reflect on this summer of love with a smile, because yes, I learned something, but we also did make some beautiful memories.
If you were meant to stay, you would have. But you came into my life for a reason and left just at the moment you were supposed to.