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I have always believed that we all have different demons to fight, and although I have never admitted it, mine has always been burning with jealousy.
I was in denial for so long because I’ve always known that I am not someone who envies anybody for anything, except when it comes to the man I am in love with. I used to burn with jealousy, and I didn’t even care about hiding it.
Naturally, it ruined my relationships, and it did nothing but break me then and boost my man’s ego. I’d always walk away with no regrets whatsoever, thinking it was his loss.
It would have become a destructive pattern had I not loved a good man so unconditionally that I was ready for the first time in my life to stop being in denial and admit that I might be the one with the problem here. Something had to change right here, right now. I let my demon mess up my past, but I will not let it interfere with my future.
Here are five ways and thought patterns that tremendously helped me in battling and controlling my inner demon:
The first step toward changing anything in ourselves is to bring it to light and face it while remaining kind to ourselves. Remember, even the best of us are prone to jealousy when we are in love. However, jealousy makes us irrational because such negative feelings blur the mind in a way that it starts making hasty, hormonal, emotional, and primitive decisions.
It brings the worst in us, and it leads to imbalance, anger, and actions that look nothing like the people we are at times. Admitting that we have a problem is a huge step toward recovery.
Understand the importance of freedom
I had a strict upbringing, and I thought that being free was the most important thing in the world to me. George Michael’s song “Freedom” was always on repeat, and I truly believed we can never enjoy anything if we are not free.
As I was jogging, I found this dog who was chained and skinny, so I started bringing her food and water every single day, until one day, she pushed the food away and winced. It broke my heart, and I understood that nothing you can give a creature is worth their freedom. The moment we broke the chain, she started running around the field like crazy. Don’t you worry now, she was rescued and adopted.
The moral of the story is that even chains of gold are still chains. How can we claim we love someone and put them in chains? That’s how our partner feels when we let jealousy dictate the rules and drives us crazy.
Change the way you think about other people
The moment you realize that not every single person is after the person we love, you will come a long way. When you have a pure heart, you are an empath, and you see the good in others, you view other people as sisters and brothers, you support them, and you cannot keep burning with jealousy like that.
Even when other people come onto your lover, be proud and trust that they will handle it well—and if they don’t, then there is nothing you can possibly do to change things. Even their ex should no longer disturb your peace when you change the way you view them.
They didn’t hurt the man you love; they simply, just like you, were in love with this person. At the end of the day, you too are someone’s ex, and you are not evil—hopefully.
Do not act on it
No matter how hard we are going to try, we will feel jealous when we are in love. It is normal, it is healthy, and it is even beautiful as long as it is under control. There is no need to overreact each and every time they heart a photo on social media. We start overthinking, coming up with scenarios that even Spielberg won’t be able to direct, and push the person we love away.
When there is no clear evidence, shut your demon up, and do not act on those doubts. Actions like stalking, interrogating them to death, manipulating them, and being aggressive will only make matters worse. If they are not cheating, lying, or playing you, they will start thinking about it.
Rewire your thought pattern
I believe this has helped me more than all the rest combined. No woman can keep a man with her despite himself, and vice versa. We are complex beings with complex emotions. A person who no longer has feelings for you, who wants to be with someone else, is no longer physically aroused by you, and who can no longer find solace and joy in your arms needs to be let go.
No tears, prayers, and hysterical begging will keep them with you. On the contrary, it will only make them lose the little respect they had that may be left for you. Today, I understand that it does not matter how much I am in love with him if he isn’t also crazy about me. I am not responsible for his feelings and actions, but I am responsible for mine.
To sum it up, some people take advantage of these feelings and start using them to feel better about themselves.
Thus, the best advice a happily married friend of mine has given me on this matter is that the right man will not do anything that will make you feel insecure, less, not loved, cheated on, and even if the moment arises, he will be kind enough to let you go gently.