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Narcissism is quite a popular word these days.
I suspect we’ve all been guilty of labelling undesirable behaviour as narcissistic at some point in our lives.
Recently, when discussing this with a friend, we talked about the label and how we may have in the past inadvertently displayed some narcissistic behaviour ourselves.
Through our exploration, we agreed that the main currency for narcissists is energy—be it in the form of admiration, money, or pity. Any energy will do. However, as we all exchange energy day-to-day, what’s the cutoff point?
We came up with a definition from an energy perspective:
Narcissism is when you go from subconsciously pilfering energy to actively and consciously harvesting it.
What happens when you get a taste for other people’s energy subconsciously or consciously?
Like so many others, I was once involved with a narcissist. I had know them many years prior to the relationship, and I was present to support them through a troublesome event. It was extremely clear at this point that they were in a victim mindset, and I believe that the supportive and loving energy that was given, by me and many others, in order to aid their healing, was misappropriated. This was a key milestone on their journey to narcissism.
Fast forward a few years, and I got to experience, intimately, the disease in its fully manifested form—gaslighting, withholding of love, belittlement, and all the usual symptoms. Of course, at the time, I couldn’t see it. I was ironically quite preoccupied with feeling sorry for myself and also way too close to it.
Retrospect is a wonderful thing. As I healed from the experience, I realised that it had taught me so much about myself for which I am grateful for daily, but also as I was privy to seeing the root cause and the end result, I started to question if there was something I could have done back at the point of conception.
Most of us will have been in the situation where we’re supporting a friend through a difficult stage. It’s a core foundation of friendship that we lean on each other from time to time, and it’s a perfectly natural and healthy energy exchange. However, when this becomes repetitive and draining, I believe this is a red flag.
A scenario that I’ve experienced more than a few times is being lured in under the guise of providing advice and council (again, perfectly normal under typical circumstances). But I think the shift happens when any advice you’re giving falls on deaf ears time and time again. That’s when it is highly likely your energy is being used for an entirely different purpose.
I think this represents an opportunity for us to shine some light. This doesn’t need be a massive intervention, it can simply be a response to their request for further council, simply stating that you’ve offered advice before, and it had been to no avail, and asking what they hope to achieve from the conversation. This is sufficient.
This approach will stop any energy suction, and it may actually act as a wake-up call for the energy bandit.
I see narcissism as a major blockage to unity consciousness. It is damn difficult to be at one with mankind when members of mankind use you as an object simply to be exploited. I do, however, think it’s important to remember that narcissism is a disease like any other and it can affect anyone at anytime. It’s the devil within us all waiting for the opportunity to present itself.
I think we can do our part in stopping the spread of the disease, and one way is bringing awareness to those who are suffering in victim mentality mode. Of course, for many, they may already to be too far down the line and victimhood will be just another energy harvesting technique, but either way, the minute you begin to feel even slightly drained, cut off the supply.