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January 8, 2021

An Ode to Procrastination.

I have been sat here for many months procrastinating to start writing again, or doing anything productive at all, for that matter. They say you can pluck for inspiration and motivation once you start doing something, anything, however, the hardest part for me has always been the starting. They told me to just start where I am. But what if I don’t know where I am anymore? I have spent most of this year trying to figure out, to get some sort of an idea of what I want to do with my life. I, indeed, started where I was, I did courses, read material, looked up successful and inspirational people… And yes, I did at least something. And yes, it did give me some motivation. However, after there being limited opportunities in the year of 2020, I once again fell back into the comfort zone during this lockdown to what seems to have been going on forever.

Will this coming year be better? I cannot say if it will or not, but what I know is that I can feel the switch in energies. I do not believe in New Year’s resolutions, but what I am sure of is that we cannot get anywhere if we just stay where we are. So once again, I just have to start where I am, with what I have. I don’t know about you, reader, but I am a bit of a control freak. I like knowing when and what is going to happen, I like the predictability of things and people. However, that is not the case most of the time in life. The only real thing we can depend on is that nothing is ever permanent, and that everything is constantly changing. And that’s a beautiful thing. So why can’t I just let go and let things unfold while I keep working towards my goals? Maybe it’s because I don’t really know what I really want yet, at least not exactly. I have a few goals in mind, but when it comes to my career I just can’t seem to decide. Maybe that’s why I have been procrastinating? Maybe that’s why I have been feeling guilty for it?

What if this period of procrastination is like a butterfly in a cocoon? What if it’s my mind, body and soul preparing for all the great things to come? What if the opinions of all those life coaches and people around us telling us to just keep on being productive during lockdown do not matter? What if we should just listen harder to what our body and soul is trying to tell us?
These are the questions I am asking myself, and you, today. And while we put so much importance on what other people are doing or not doing during this pandemic, maybe we should just listen in to what we really need ourselves instead of trying to keep up with others. I am still valid even if the only thing I did today was not break down because of the anxiety of this situation. I am still valid even if the only thing I did today was feeding the hamsters. I am still valid.

So, what if procrastination is for the better sometimes? To reset, to rest, to just be present. And what if we don’t have to feel guilty for it all of the time? What if it is the universe trying to tell us to keep still until it is the right time to put all of our efforts into something? And when you are ready to emerge from that cocoon, you will fly, my darling. You will fly and you will know that this was all for a reason. Because now, you are ready. Maybe we shouldn’t view procrastination as such a negative thing and just let go, watching things unfold. We are coping with all this as well as we can and this is a good time to just be still, to rest and to reset. So what I am trying to tell you, and to myself, is that let’s be more gentle to ourselves and to others during these strange strange times.

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