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January 29, 2021

These 196 Words Were all I Needed to Find my Closure.

As an INFJ, the door slam has always been the easiest thing for me to do. I used to move on so smoothly that on many occasions, I had even surprised myself.

However, when your entire being, heart, body, mind, and soul were devoted to someone who had barely made any investments at all (besides fooling around), it hits so hard that you find yourself unable to find all previous patterns and “solutions” that were quite familiar and known to you.

When that person changes and leaves without even an explanation or a mature conversation, you find yourself in limbo, trying to come up with valid reasons to make peace with the ending.

I am not going to say as empaths, but as humans, the least we can do for someone who did nothing but love us, is be merciful and give them their closure—we owe it to each other.

All of a sudden, you find yourself dwelling on the same thing, over and over again, toasting your mind and grilling your heart. You come up with theories and conclusions that even Einstein wouldn’t have put that much effort into while coming up with the Theory of Relativity.

You feel you’re running on a treadmill, in circles, like a hamster on a wheel. You feel frustrated, angry, resentful, and even bitter when you are actually a decent, peaceful, and kind person. The worst part, though, remains the fact that you feel worthless.

The only thought that kept playing in my mind like an old record was that I was not even worth a decent conversation—I must be trash. All the work I put into myself to grow and become the strong person I am went to waste in a single negative thought. I started doing the only thing I know how to do when I am stuck: reading.

To my surprise, my greatest discovery and relief did not come from a book, as usual. I found it while surfing the internet—to be more precise, on Pinterest, where I save recipes and hairstyles. The Universe does work mysteriously after all. I vowed to share this just in case someone out there was also in limbo, surfing the internet.

Bad timing doesn’t exist. The people your heart chooses at what it thinks is the wrong time, are simply just the wrong people. They are simply just the ones who were meant to get away: they were simply just the ones who were never meant to stay. Because at the end of the day, the right people fight for you. The right people show up. The right people care, not only when life is convenient, but when it is difficult and messy, and it aches all over. The right people take the chance, they choose you just as confidently as you choose them. They hand you their heart. They bet on you. They believe in what you share with a ruthless conviction, with a hope that spills out of them. Have the courage to wait for these people. Do not settle for half loves, do not settle for someone who does not see the value in holding your heart. The people who walk away from you because the timing is not right are simply just the people who are not willing to put the right amount of time into you. Let that be your closure.” ~ Bianca Sparacino

To sum it up, the best closure to have when the other party was too “stingy” to give you one would be that they had not been the right people. Had they been the people who were supposed to stay in your life, they would simply have “with a ruthless conviction.”

Even if they decide to give you closure, would it change the outcome? Thus, the only closure I need today is to remember that love never fails, and if it does, then I certainly, most assuredly must understand that it was not love.

~

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