What makes a good marriage and a happy family almost always entirely depends on the two spouses. There are many defining qualities of a good marriage, but arguably the most important things in a marriage are communication and growth. Hence, here’s some effective advice for creating a happy family.

#1 Cohabitation

First and foremost, you need to understand what the foundation of a good marriage is and what leads to a long and happy marriage. Many couples don’t take enough time to get to know each other which can lead to a wedding that is too early for them. And once the two start living together, they realize that they don’t actually know how to create a family in their house because they don’t know how to do just that – live together.

It can start with something small like an annoyance with each other’s habits that they try to change, but as they realize just how many problems there are in their little family, they decide to go different ways and break up with their relationship ending in divorce. Luckily, there is a very simple way how this could be avoided. Instead of jumping right into marriage, live with your partner for a while using cohabitation as a starting point before you actually get married.

In fact, research suggests that cohabitation can be perfect for those who aren’t married yet. Among the US married adults who lived with each other before being engaged, 66% saw cohabitation as a step towards marriage. If you and your partner have lived together before marriage, you are in luck because you likely know a lot about your significant other which will help you tremendously in building a happy family.

#2 Communication

Communication and marital satisfaction are directly related to one another which means you definitely need to take them into account when creating your happy family. Moreover, you will need to focus on communication a lot, as evidenced by top sites on marriage and relationships, because most couples often struggle with conveying their thoughts and feelings to one another.

Indeed, the way we communicate as humans sets us apart from animals and makes us the intelligent beings we are. And yet, so many people simply lack the necessary skills for communicating with others. Unfortunately, such poor communication can be particularly harmful when it comes to relationships with your loved ones which is exactly why you need to develop your communication skills as much as you can.

Perhaps the best thing you can do when it comes to creating a happy family is to use communication as much as you can. Talk to your spouse if there is something bothering you. Talk to them if you are happy, if you are sad, if you are angry, or worried, or tired. Communicate your feelings and thoughts to help them understand you. At the same time, ask them to talk to you too and try to understand them.

#3 Words of Affirmation

According to Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages”, there are five key languages of love that people can speak. Some people speak all five while others will only speak one of them, but no matter the case, understanding which of them is or are spoken by your spouse will help you create the happiest family you’ve ever dreamed of. In addition to that, love languages can help you better interact with pretty much anyone in your life, be it a colleague at work or your own child.

The first of these love languages is words of affirmation. Words of affirmation are the nice things you tell people that will make them feel better. For example, complimenting a co-worker on their new dress can make their entire day, telling your children how proud you are of them can boost their self-esteem, and reminding your spouse how much you love them just by saying “I love you” once in a while can truly make them feel loved and appreciated.

If you see that your spouse speaks this love language, make sure to use words of affirmation more often in different ways (e.g. “I love you”, “You look gorgeous”, “I am so happy you got promoted”). But if you see that your spouse doesn’t speak this love language, make sure to find out which one they do and focus on them instead.

#4 Gifts

Another love language your significant other might speak is gifts. Almost everyone either enjoys giving gifts or receiving them which is why this love language can be so universal. Moreover, the gifts you give or receive don’t always have to be huge or expensive – many people value and treasure even small gifts, handmade gifts, and simple treats.

The key to giving a great gift is focusing on what matters to the person you are preparing the gift for. For example, if your spouse works with digital marketing and they really love their job, gifting them a pre-paid package of email marketing automation tools that will help them with their work can be an amazing gift. On the other hand, if they really enjoy handmade gifts, you need to try and give them something of the kind.

And just like with words of affirmation, you need to remember that not everyone will speak the love language of gifts. If you notice that your significant other doesn’t actually enjoy gifts as much as you thought, try to find a different approach and really understand what they love in terms of… well, love.

#5 Physical Touch

The third love language your spouse may speak is physical touch. This doesn’t just include sexual acts – in fact, most of the time, hugs, kisses, and cuddling are the way to go. But, of course, it always depends on the person which is why you need to try different types of physical touch to see what your spouse enjoys.

Some people may simply like the mundane touches. Imagine that your significant other is just doing some chores around the house and you happen to be around chatting with them. And while you talk, you might stroke their head for a moment or absentmindedly fix their clothes. These kinds of touches can also be enjoyed a lot by your spouse, sometimes just as much as sex or cuddles or kissing. You just need to find out what appeals to your significant other.

#6 Quality Time

The fourth love language your spouse may speak is quality time. It doesn’t matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert – most probably, you enjoy spending time with the people closest to you. And still, some people will enjoy this more while others will focus on it less. Ask anyone from the best writing companies that research human psychology and you will see that we are social beings and need to communicate a lot.

The good thing is that quality time can mean anything to you and your spouse. Some couples just like listening to music together while others enjoy extreme sports. Some couples go on vacation while others have a picnic in the park. Whatever quality time is for your significant other, you need to have more of it if this is the love language they speak.

#7 Acts of Service

The last love language your spouse might speak is acts of service. Acts of service are the things you do to show your love, care, support, gratitude, or any other positive emotion you feel towards your spouse. At work, your colleague could be checking your calls for you. At home, you could prepare breakfast for your spouse or do a chore your spouse meant to do.

Once again, even if you have mastered all these languages of love yourself, your spouse might not speak them all. Experiment and see whether it’s words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, quality time, or acts of service that your significant other truly treasures – and then just focus on that.

#8 Reality and Growth

Last but not least, it’s always worth remembering just how important acknowledging reality and seeking growth is for your relationship and particularly for your family. You might be seeing perfect couples on social media, but to truly understand what marriage is, you need to look into your own relationship with your significant other.

The reality is that your family can’t be perfect. It can be a very happy family, but there will always be some issues, there will always be some arguments and misunderstandings. However, you can still minimize the issues that can appear in your family which is exactly how you can build a happy family.

At the same time, you should never forget about the importance of personal growth. Read relevant books (like John Gottman and Nan Silver’s “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” and Stan Tatkin’s “Wired for Love”), find interesting videos and articles, visit a therapist – all of these will help you better understand how you can improve your family life.

Final Thoughts

To sum up, the key to a happy marriage is in the relationship between the two spouses. The keys for marriage durability, however, are in communication, understanding, and growth. Use the tips in this article to improve your own relationship with your spouse and create a happy family that lasts a long time.