A slightly hectic morning.
Planned my daily workout around meetings and calls and having to run to the post office to pick up a package.
Against my better judgement, I left my workout clothes on, threw on some duck boots, a scarf, and a jacket, and headed over to the post office.
Like, the total definition of a hot mess. I still had sweat beads coming down my face from working out.
I am standing in line at the post office, and there is this man on the other side getting boxes organized to mail, and he looks over at me. Our eyes meet, I look away, and I can feel he is still staring at me.
I am now getting uncomfortable because I know I look like a hot mess and even smell a bit from working out. I am still feeling him looking at me, but now, it is my turn at the counter, so I handle my business and proceed to leave.
I walk by him because it is the only way out.
He says, “Good morning!”
I say it back.
He says, “Sorry if this catches you off guard, but you might be the cutest thing I have ever seen.”
What? What did this guy just say to me? If you have been following my writing at all, you know that I have a disorder when it comes to saying “thank you” when someone offers me a compliment.
While I didn’t immediately say thank you, I said, “Wow, I feel like a wreck right now, but thank you.”
And then I left.
Let me clear the deck here. I do not in totality base my worth on what other people think of me, my personality, or how I look. But I am human, and of course, on some weird level, this matters at certain points in time.
This time, it mattered.
It mattered because I am a bereaved mom and having lost my 13-year-old daughter, almost a year ago, unexpectedly, and everything that has unfolded since then, my level of vitality is low. Lower than it has ever been—some days even nonexistent. I do not feel like the woman I once was.
I have been practicing levels of self-care the best that I can. Working out every day, doing that entire torturous high protein, low carb bullsh*t, meditating, and giving myself all the room in the world I need to grieve. When you do these things day in and day out, the outcomes are subtle, and when you don’t see a lot of people face to face due to the pandemic, and then one of them says something like this to you…
Well, well, well.
I needed this. I needed to come across this man today. This man—a stranger who reminded me he sees me.
He sees me.
I see me.
Cheers to feeling vital.