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February 8, 2021

When its really hard…

Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.

When its hard, when it feels heavy like today, what do I do?
Make how you feel your priority. It’s simple to say it, but doing it is another matter. Most of us have been trained and conditioned ourselves to do the opposite. For years. We keep doing the chores in the hope that, at some vague point in the future, everything will be in place and it will bring us happiness.
It doesn’t work.
You don’t have to believe me, keep going if you want. But if you are ready to try something else, here is my perspective.
Spend your entire day paying attention to how you feel. Notice how each action MAKES YOU FEEL. Make your inner world your compass. You will start to notice that some actions bring you joy, and some bring a sinking, contracting feeling. Some actions, some people BRING US DOWN! Its not a saying, it happens. Of course, it does, but what if you made that inner compass your priority right now? Put your attention on it and start to work with it. Start to use it for your benefit. What that means in reality is bringing in more activities that uplift you and less that are hard.
BUT! BUT! BUT! That’s crazy! Yes, I hear you, you can’t avoid all the difficult actions. There are two things I want to offer on that.
Firstly, this is a particularly tough moment in time. Where I live, we’ve been in lockdown for almost two months and it is hard. Make no mistake. This is tough in many ways and you may not be able to be your regular superhero self. I suggest you go with that, allow yourself to drop some of the things you can drop. Just for now. They will be there when you are ready to pick them back up. So what if there is dirty washing? Have you all got clean clothes for tomorrow? NP. So what if the vacuuming is undone? I suggest your wellbeing is more important than a clean floor, and if it really is a case of you or the floor, PICK YOU!
Secondly, challenge is not bad for us. Challenge makes us grow into more mature, more capable people. BUT you are already subject to a massive challenge that the world has bought into your experience. Too many challenges all at once can cripple us and make us defeated. Don’t go there, you have that power to choose. Pick your battles now, cos you probably don’t have enough energy for all of them.
So what about the things you really can’t avoid? That job that you don’t love, that might actually frighten you? The conversation that is really difficult? Do them carefully, mindful of your feelings that are uncomfortable. LOVE YOURSELF as you do it, this is hard for me, but I have the courage to do it anyway. Well done me! For bonus points and where possible, have a little compassion for the other souls going thru it with you. You can bring joy to each other when you share your difficulty. And when you’ve finished doing it, congratulate yourself and apply suggestion number one. Stop. Recuperate. Eat a cheese sandwich and an apple for dinner, its only once, it’ll be fine. And add something into your day that brings you joy.
You have more choice than you realise – but this is only true if you try it, see it works and embrace it. Now is your time to see how different things can be for you. You can’t stay the same, that choice has been removed by circumstances beyond your control. Go with it. Start to expand and experiment and see how powerful choosing more joy is. Nothing is going to change overnight (or maybe it will!) but its true, every little helps. Stop martyring yourself for the benefit of all, and start to honour yourself for the benefit of all. Show your loved ones how you respect your body, your energy levels, your emotions, your whole experience, and they may try it too.
Offered with love.

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