Ever since I visited home after a long gap of 5 months, first time ever in my lifetime that I was away for so long. I have been viewing each aspect of home and family from a different filter.
I know individuals in my own family and friend circle who have been away from home from a young age and for long periods. But probably because I had never left home for 28 years the sense of attachment is different. Almost 3 decades of my existence was around my family and familiar city.
It’s been almost a week since I left my parents home to carry on to my own home where I have settled with my husband. And I keep going back to the time I spent during my visit.
It almost felt so outside my character to be savouring every moment, capturing random pictures of my own home and parents as if there was going to be an even longer gap of meeting them again.
The one aspect of my own behaviour which made me quite surprised at myself was. I was in the same environment I grew up in and with the same people I have known all my life. Yet there was a feeling of immense alienation. From the aspect of detaching myself from situations and seeing people for who they are and understanding their story without the bias of my own experiences.
I believe this time when I went home I looked at each and every molecule of my home and made peace with alot of open craters of emotions. I sat with myself, with the numerous versions of myself and let go of so many stories and details of life that were weighing me down.
I look back at the time I spent with my parents and I feel that instead of forcing my solutions on them I embraced their way of life and actually understood why they choose whatever they choose each day. My version of peace may not necessarily be their version of peace. I had such open conversations about things that hurt and things that heal. Finally understanding the human behind the label of familial ties.
I had not expected such a wholesome and honest visit back home, the few days brought back a sense of calm which I had been running after. The fact that we can go home each time and understand people better makes me hopeful. The sheer knowledge that nothing is permanent gives me the courage to forgive, live and embrace.
Because it’s a fact that nothing changes in a gap of few months but yet again alot changes, key is to notice and embrace.