Where has she gone.
The old fearless brave girl. Not scared of a thing. No fear of anything.

Then BOOM life smacks you in the face. Her body starts acting….tingles in the hand and the feet. Then the head. She doesnt know what’s going on. She has gone pale pale pale. She is now panicking. What is happening?
She gets up. Cant walk. Her lungs now start squeezing…contracting. this is it. She is going to die.

She finds out later its panic attack. Something that happens to many people????

From that point she changes into a scared person not knowing when this will happen again or why. Any tiny sensation in her body immediately causes panic not knowing what is going to happen.

After some time they help her learn she is now suffering from health panic disorder!?!
And they tell her “you will not die” ?!?! Ok !!!!

So…she keeps going. Keeps trying everyday. She feels panic setting in. She overpowers her mind. And convinces it otherwise. And tells anxiety to f***k off. Gets angry with it. Tells it to stop being so silly and attempting to ruin her life.
Sometimes she can do this. Sometimes she cant.

But the amount of strength this takes is immense. Its tiring. It’s hard. Its constant fighting.

Where has the old girl gone? Free girl. Happy. Not scared. She misses her so much. But she will conquer this. She will keep fighting on daily. And will come out the other side tons stronger. Whatever that may be.
And a completely different person.

She travels now in fear not knowing if she will have a severe attack and feint whilst caring for her two little babies standing on the side of the road?????? Unable to live her life free and happy again. Her love of travel and being strong and daring and brave is compromised now. What will the kids learn? They will learn the exact opposite of what she really wants. Unless she managed to conquer this quickly and hopefully they dont notice and forget. She cannot do what she loves anymore. Normal. The battle is real.

She has now developed fear of being alone. As a single mother. How is that supposed to work??? She now has to fight her own mind to convince herself all will be well all the time and that she doesnt need help. But the truth is people suffering cannot be left alone. In an attack one can feint. Then what will happen to the kids???? All she can do it keep trying, keep hoping, keep trying.

I pray for all those also suffering. You dont need to suffer in silence. There needs to be more awareness of this.

People downplay this so much. And say “aaaaa get over it” or “stop being negative”. This is not the case. It’s a battle we are fighting. A very tough one daily trying to be positive. If it was so easy, we would be ok now. It’s not. We are stronger than anyone could ever imagine.

Sometimes anxiety isnt the problem, but it can be a huge warning, a signal that something else is wrong and trying to tell us something. Do not suppress your fears otherwise it will surface in other ways. If yours fears are justified and based on fact, do something about it before your body does.

The most important thing to know about anxiety is that it isn’t dangerous, and nothing is wrong with you if you feel it. Anxiety can actually be a powerful help to you. It is a sensitive amazing tool we all have to pick up on potential threats to the things we care about most. What we do with anxiety can make the difference between it being helpful, or harmful. Anxiety wants to be recognized, and understood.

Listen to yourself. Your body is the most amazing tool. And dont deny it. Do not suppress it or your feelings. Otherwise it will come out in panic.

She had someone tell her that they used to think people who had panic attacks were weak (why couldn’t they just pull themselves together and snap out of it?) until they had one themselves. Also someone telling her to be positive and even getting frustrated and angry making her feel bad for having feelings or the anxiety!!! They have no idea and 0 empathy.

She also had someone who used her anxiety as a tool/excuse to get away with their own actions. This was absolutely disgusting because she actually tried to deny herself her own reality to save a relationship. In the end she suffered most. It took her months to realise this was happening. And as soon as she realised she ran for the hills broken hearted.

After seeking help, her psychologist mentioned many things but one thing stood true to her and could help many others in this position. This is to focus. Focus on only what matters to her. And forget about the sh**t. Theres sh**t everywhere. Dont deal with it anymore. Get rid of it. And focus only what truly matters to her life. Remove the rubble and rubbish, throw it away. Simplifying her life focusing only on what matters.

She also realised she was being abused. She was called dumb for having justified fears. Dumb and stupid. She was gravely humiliated and ridiculed by people saying she was trouble and laughing about it. What kind of sarcastic joke is this.

They say when a person has been abused they look for abuse in relationships. Yes they do because they dont want to be abused again! So they need to protect themselves.

But someone used this against her also! Saying it’s all her fault cause she looks for it!!!! Excusing themselves again from their own actions. Using her weakness as excuse again to get away with their own faults!!!! Madness.
Twisting diverting and manipulating.

No wonder there is anxiety ! And it was simply trying to warn her of the above manipulation and abuse. Listen to your body, it’s trying to tell you something.

And anxiety. Real anxiety can hit you at anytime anywhere in life. One can think they are strong and positive….then smack BOOM in the face. This is it. Deal with it. Count your lucky stars if it has not hit you!

• #anxiety #panicdisorder #wearenotalone #abuse