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May 15, 2021

I Must Walk through the Fire: Learning to Accept my Pain as a Gift.

Life has gifted me with lessons—lessons I can now only accept as my gifts.

Body dysmorphia, body shaming, and self-abuse: as much as these are just words, they hold a lot of power—power that I was allowing them to have.

I’ve recently been able to re-experience what it feels like to give my power away to them. Being faced with such deep emotions, no matter how much “work” you’ve done, can feel uncomfortable and downright scary.

Spirit is showing me that I still haven’t felt it all. I haven’t experienced it all. I’ve been putting a band-aid on it: deflecting, numbing, and substituting with distractions and busyness.

The belief that I am not worthy” is the core wound here.

Life will create the space for you to show up for yourself, to face the deepest parts of your subconscious, and test your ability to heal again and again.

I’ve learned that in order to accept myself fully, I must feel and experience every part of me, every dark emotion, every aspect that I have shunned away—every uncomfortable feeling. I must walk through the fire, not around it.

I wasn’t expecting these feelings to show face, yet they have, and I’m still processing while being gentle with myself and giving myself tons of love. My own physical touch has been the key to unlocking this deeper layer of healing. We so often neglect our own physical touch and seek outside of ourselves to fulfill this lack or void.

The practice of self-massage has helped me move through and cultivate a deeper awareness of my body and what it needs, allowing me the gift of acceptance of the here and now.

Accepting that we are bigger than our physical body, our mind, our experiences.

We are energy, embodying a physical human vessel.

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