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May 4, 2021

The Month that Changed my Life & helped me Find my Strength. 

~

As I sit in my room, a little drained from the usual routine of breakfast, medicines, bath, prayers, little housework, and talking to my mother and husband, I can’t help but notice the date on the calendar—the month is ending tomorrow.

A huge sense of relief floods me even when I am writing these words because three weeks ago, life was so horrific. I had no idea if I would make it in one piece and with my sanity to the end of April.

April for me is my most favourite month each year. Aside from the fact that I celebrate my birthday this month, I have always seen my life change for the better in April.

When I was in school and college, April was all about class promotions, getting good grades, and progressing in education. Later when I joined the workforce, April was about rewards and recognition—progress in my career. April has also been amazing for my personal development and events in life. I have found myself in an evolved state each April, better than the year before. I got engaged in April, had some lovely family memories too.

This year, I saw a different side of April, one I had not ever imagined seeing.

Dread and despair entered my life on 8th April after my husband and I were diagnosed with COVID-19. We somehow soldiered on, looking after each other for few days despite our failing health without any help at home—no family or friend to lean on in person. We were lucky to have parents who fought for us from half a country away, especially my father who tried to get us as much medical help as needed. We had many people who loved us, prayed for us, and sent us their strength, but the fight got tougher every day since. We ended up in a hospital in the emergency room where our treatment began. We finally came home after a week, then the second part of our fight started.

Recovery.

Recovery is so much more in the mind than in our bodies; with no strength, we picked ourselves up piece by piece. Motivating ourselves and keeping up hope.

Amidst everything that has happened since that day, my life has become filled with dread. I felt a bit defeated and small, mostly powerless all the time. I had not faced such dire situations before. Mentally I was prepared to celebrate my birthday and go for a family wedding, instead, I had to give all my strength to the situation my husband and I were in.

I am still not sure how we managed, but we did. From multiple breakdowns and heartbreaking sights to bawling my eyes out while talking to my parents and calling upon God to help us, to being restless and scared, we saw each other.

This was a nightmare that completely broke us and compelled us to find a strength we never knew existed.

I think my almighty God is proof of the fact that I feel every person who came to our rescue was God in disguise. Every time we felt we couldn’t go on, we saw hope, and truly every molecule in our being is filled with gratitude.

I’m not sure if April still feels like the joyous April I have seen for the past 28 years, but each day I slowly see us getting better and doing things we used to do before all this happened.

I remember being in distress on nights I couldn’t sleep, messaging my sister-in-law, who stayed in Illinois, while we were in the hospital’s COVID ward. I remember telling her I can’t grip the fact this is reality—I don’t know when we will go home, when we will cook together, or if life will ever be the same.

I remember telling my mother each day during the past weeks that I have nothing left in me, but I think it’s some power that is keeping me going.

I remember telling my closest friends and cousins that whatever you do, don’t forget to mention us in your prayers.

I think now, sitting on 29th of April, I can truly say that it’s the countless support we got that has helped us reach a day where we can breathe without fear, and slowly begin to get back to normalcy.

Such a mountain cannot be moved alone.

It takes a village.

It will take us a while to get back to our 100-percent selves, but the progress is ongoing.

This year, even if April robbed me of so much joy, April gifted me with strength and power.

For that, I am truly grateful.

Thank you, April.

~

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