Life offers a series of challenges, based on a number of factors.
The originating story or timeline is irrelevant—what we do with the challenge is what counts.
Challenges—even if created by external events, such as financial, health, social issues, or our own memories and fears coming to the surface—are opportunities. Let me explain a little more.
The flavour, theme, and meaning we place on experiences come from our past interpretation of similar situations, triggering our stored reactions to a past memory or meaning we gave it.
This happens all the time, many of which we are oblivious to until we take stock and become aware of the discomfort that’s big enough to get our attention.
So of late, I have consciously raised a few challenging beliefs. I am often triggered by finances and my personal development. Now this happens every year—a learned response, maybe. It also coincides with the end of the financial year and my birthday early in July, so there is a double whammy for me to feel into.
The lessons have been to take an honest stocktake of the progress over the year. There has been a lot of good that has happened, and this fits perfectly into the idea of gratitude, and what one focuses on increases.
What have I been focusing on over the last year?
There was a lot of pain that came up while I studied the Grad Cert in Counselling, but my focus was to heal the deep, painful wounds of childhood trauma and abandonment that were triggered when a love interest unceremoniously ghosted me. The depth and breadth of rejection, worthiness, deserving, and lovability that was brought up made me feel like I was drowning…again.
Here’s how I’m healing:
I chose to unlearn the lies. I fell more in love with myself. I saw more honestly how my parents struggled during my childhood, and this helped me to extend more compassion to them.
I chose to focus on the goods in my life. Reach out to other friends and deepen meaningful relationships.
I chose to explore how other relationships supported similar people-pleasing behaviours in order to feel part of something. These are traits of trauma-learnt responses, so deep diving into the core is needed to heal the core issues created.
I chose to heal my past wounds. This was a conscious choice. I know enough about how beliefs create reality, and this was an opportunity to clear out, heal, and transform beliefs that were holding me in fear, rejection, pain, and unworthiness.
My active choice is unconventional because I chose to stay in touch with the ghost man. I don’t suggest others do this as a rule, but this was a great conscious choice for me to ride the tidal wave I knew was coming.
I chose to see him. The challenge as a huge opportunity to practice allowance for others to be themselves, to see their wounds, how they project, push away, and hurt to self-protect. I had done it enough times myself, so I could also see the pattern.
I chose to see and feel so many triggers that were ready to be healed. This helped me to move into another level of living and self-acceptance. The outcome has been good. Yes, it was painful at times. I deleted our message thread so many times. I chose to start afresh each time and see the now and not the past. I chose to stop making up stories to justify my (and his) choices.
I chose to look at what energy and beliefs I was putting out there and attracting. I chose to see my life patterns and how I felt when he “did” what he did and when and with who else I had felt this with. This is the magic—when we see the patterns and originating experiences that create the limiting belief—we get to shift the entire timeline for that trigger point.
I chose to challenge my ideas of what was possible for me. What I was deserving and worthy of having in my life. This was another interesting exercise. As I started to heal the hurts, I could see and feel there were other parts of my life I really didn’t want to do anymore.
I didn’t want to work in a toxic environment; I chose and attracted differently. I didn’t want to work in an industry that triggered my perfectionist fears that brought on anxiety attacks. I can do the work, but it isn’t my strength. I was also worth more than staying in fear. I walked into something that honoured my inner strengths and thrived.
Now I’m open to healthier, happier environments and conversations, which leads to better work opportunities, confidence, and now, the friendship I have with the ghost man is good. Our friendship is still cautious, but it is different, and we are together, creating a workable friendship that works for us.
I chose to believe in myself and put my work out into the world in a different way. This is big for a wallflower person who, at one stage, was stalked. To actively promote my books and services into the wider world, I needed to address the fear of being attacked, victimised, retraumatised, and targeted.
I chose to challenge the belief that a good life is for others—but not for me. Growing up in poverty and seeing my parents become bankrupt, I had a firm belief that I would never amount to anything. The shame, guilt, and embarrassment I felt at that time created the idea that everyone else was allowed to have nice things, holidays, pleasure, and do what they wanted, but not me.
So I challenged this big time. I am to make a difference. Who would listen to a belief coach who still played small? I put myself through my own programs as I rewrote them and reread the journal as I edited it.
I chose to do the work. I started listening to podcasts around the Law of Attraction (Bob Proctor, Carl Harvey, Lewis Howe, to name a few). These are big-name guys with whom I relate. I have written out desires, dreams, and goals more consistently. I have focused on the emotional feeling of achieving these. I have gotten specific, so the vibe I am sending out is clearer. I have been tapping, deleting, and uncreating.
The result so far has been pretty incredible.
I have two jobs I love—25 hours a week waitressing at five-star restaurants, and I am worth being paid for being me. I have conversations that have meaning and are interesting. I feel heard, valued, and appreciated.
I have a book deal, and I feel good! I have a greater sense of self-value, which is a new concept for me.
I am saying “no” to bad behaviour from others and clearly stating how I want to be treated and what it could look like.
I am more open to other opportunities. I watched the movie “Yes Day” a few months back, and this helped too. If we are not open to different, how can different come in?
I am becoming clearer as to my ideas and what I am good at. I am more okay with me being me, and I am being rewarded for it.
I am walking the talk and talking my walk, which is why the emails are self-centric. If I can change by doing what I encourage clients to do, then this is good.
The invitation is there for you too. What is it you want to choose to do, be, feel, and experience differently in your life? In your career, relationships, finances, well-being, balance.
This is the first module of all the programs available. Create more self-awareness so you can make aware choices. Challenge your limiting beliefs and why you feel the way you feel about various people, situations, and experiences.
Define what you want and focus on these outcomes. Heal the initial trigger situation and let go. Trust the process, allow the healing and the ripple effect to follow through in your life. Affirm and anchor the newer versions of what you are creating.
Be open, receptive, and curious as newer opportunities come your way. Feel the resistance and heal that so you can step into the newer choices.
Give a huge amount of gratitude to yourself for having the courage, curiosity, and conviction to come back to your true self. Love and live life from this space; after all, you were born as pure love and curiosity. Bring yourself back to this.
Celebrate your wins, the smallest of steps forward, the leaps and bounds, the changes and challenges that are really only opportunities in disguise.
Share your insights and wins in our closed group—you don’t need to be part of any program for this one. Support yourself and tell yourself how valuable you are to invest in support, help, and tools that really do make a difference in the healing journey. You can do this here.
Have a great week, and let’s support each other to become more of what we are to be. Love personified.