Sometimes in life we find ourselves in an uncomfortable in-between situation. I’m talking about the place where life pushes you to take a decision or you’re at the crossroads of ‘old’ and ‘new’ and you just don’t know which way to go. The uncomfortable part is the ‘not knowing’ what’s the ‘right’ decision. It comes with that fear of making the ‘wrong’ choice.
There are a few things I want to address:
* Intuition or rational thinking – which one to listen to? Both! Using rational thinking AND intuition complementary, gives you the greatest advantage to taking the decision that’s the best for you at the time. (I recently wrote an article about this topic.)
* ‘Nothing is a life contract’, a wise man I know used to say. There is always room for change as we ourselves change and evolve over the course of our lives. Ultimately, we can never know for sure until we try.
* The in-between position can be so uncomfortable that we just want to fix it, meaning take a decision to have ‘certainty’ again. Taking a snap decision might not be the wisest choice. It can be valuable to linger in the unknown for a little bit longer, let it sink in and have some time to think about and feel into it. You might never ‘know’ what’s the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ decision (hint: it doesn’t exist), but you’ll get closer to what ‘feels right’ to you now.
* Of course we can also get stuck in the decision stage for too long. No decision is also a decision. If you wait for everything to be perfect and for you to be 100% prepared you’ll never do it. At one point you just have to jump, try it out, learn and adapt on the way.
* Look at the bigger picture. What are your values, your non-negotiables and your long-term vision? This means: What are your priorities? How do you want to spend your days? How do you want to feel? What are you not willing to live without? What do you want to create? There is lots and lots to dive into here. It might not seem to have much to do with your present decision, but once you zoomed out to look at the bigger picture, you’ll see the situation with different eyes once you zoom back in.
* Talk to a good listener, who – instead of giving advice from their own perspective and interests – can hold space for you, act as a sounding board to hear yourself talk, reflect back what you say, help you dig deep and ask questions that make you look at things from a different perspective. There is a lot of value in talking to someone independent, who can take themselves out of the picture. That’s where a coach comes in, who can skilfully guide you through the process of finding your own answers. A good coach will also support you in getting clarity about the bigger picture.
Lisa Hawkins is a coach and counselor with 26 years experience in personal growth and de…