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July 13, 2021

Grief

The thing about grief is that it feels like it’s never ending.
You’re not only grieving the past of what once was, but you’re also grieving the future of what could have been.
One minute you’re driving in your car listening to music and the next you’re crying.
You could be in a room full of people and feel the loss of missing that one person.
You could be drumming up new business/projects/ideas and suddenly feel overwhelmed.
And you think “Enough time has passed…”
You think, “I should be over this…”
But you hear that one sound, can be in that one place, read that one quote, or be laying in bed at night and it hits you.
You feel a sharp pain in your heart and a sinking feeling in your gut, and you realize all over again that something has ended, something has died.
You feel that death again and again.
Grief lingers like a phone that never stops ringing. No one seems to pick up and it never goes to voicemail. There is a void. You’re trying to connect to something or someone that no longer exists. You’re trying to fill the void with anything except the pain you feel.
Because a part of you dies.
You’re mourning the thing or the person, but you’re also mourning a part of yourself.
All you can do is be in the void and wait.
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