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How to Stop Playing the Victim and Find Solutions Within Yourself.

When I look back on the early years of my life, really until my early 20s, I realize how much of a miracle it truly is that I am in the position I am. 

If you knew me when I was younger, you’d know that I’m the last person anyone ever thought would be giving advice on how to stop playing the victim.

When I was a little boy in school, I was placed in ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languages) classes because I was too shy to speak in front of my classmates. I feared if they heard me speak, they wouldn’t like me, or if they knew my story, they’d be unwilling to go any further in creating a relationship.

My parents divorced before I was even born, and I never met my dad. My mother worked full-time and put herself through school throughout my childhood. And for a large part of my life, I was a complete introvert.

Every time I lost weight, I gained it right back because I felt like I didn’t deserve to look and feel my best. When things went right, I sabotaged myself until things went wrong. This cycle became indicative of the rest of my life. 

So, how have I learned how to stop playing the victim? 

Eventually, the pain of staying the same outweighed the pain of having to make a change. I began to ask myself, “What if it did work?”

After going through years of fearing rejection, I began to realize that I was the one attracting the rejection in the first place. I was so afraid of people not liking me; I didn’t realize how much I didn’t even like myself.

I sat down and asked myself tough questions about what the rest of my life was going to look like. The things I didn’t want to have were obvious, but what I did want was unclear. After a year of extreme thought and self-reflection, I realized that I was the problem the whole time; it was no one else’s fault that I was where I was.

Luckily for me, shortly after I realized I was the problem in my own life, I realized I was also the solution.

I realized that my environment was not at fault—my internal self was responsible for my happiness. My environment was going to continue to change (whether I liked it or not) through the course of each new city, job, or relationship. My happiness did not have to change along with it.

After hearing “no” for years, I made the connection that when people tell me “no,” it’s not a rejection of me, but rather a rejection of the situation at that exact moment in time. Their “no” could be due to other reasons that I know nothing about and that have nothing to do with me. I learned not to take “no” personally and move on.

Finally, I learned that identifying what you want in life instead of focusing on what you don’t want can make a huge difference. I got honest with myself and learned exactly what I wanted out of the years I had left on Earth. 

Just like directions on a map, you’ll get to your destination a whole lot quicker if you know exactly when and where to turn versus being told a million times where not to turn.

So, let me ask you this simple question: what would your life look like if it did work?

Where would you be if your life didn’t revolve around rejection and a victim mentality?

What if, instead, it revolved around the world working in your favor?

It’s time to stop playing the victim and ask yourself, “What if it did work?”