As the New Age Spiritual community continues to unravel and be shown for what it is, I decided to take a moment and reflect on what I was taught…and what I actually learned.  Though the reflections themselves were pretty complex, the insanity of the messaging could not be overlooked.  I have also been a fan of top ten lists since the days of David Letterman, so I thought I would have some fun with it.

So, without further adieu, here they are.

The top ten things New Age Spurituality taught me … and what I actually learned from them.

10: We are all one. (Unless you disagree with them and then you’re out)

9. Your thoughts create your reality. (Systemic injustice is a hoax and should be bypassed)

8. God is in me. (God is also in your guru — who should be treated like God)

7. What you seek is seeking you. (It’s so good to know that I was screaming “traumatize me repeatedly”. It was obviously the exact experience I was seeking)

6. Money is energy. All you need to do raise your vibration to be a millionaire (Generational poverty is SO over exaggerated)

5. Submitting to the divine masculine is part of divine union. (Consent optional)

4. Good vibes only. (Your painful human experiences are not welcome here)

3. Suffering is a choice. (None of us know how to process emotion).

2. Your soul created this experience for your growth. (They can do whatever they want unchecked)

And the number one thing I learned from New Age Spirituality:

1.  I chose this life before I came in. (So, once again I’m responsible for the abuse and not the people actually abusing me)

I will say one thing though. It had a good run.

I’m still unpacking it. Pretty powerful spell if I ever saw one.

Mischief. Managed.