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Unconscious guidance through healing my mother wound.
I have a hippie soul, a heart that feels all, and a witchy spirit.
Time and time again, the planets have unconsciously guided me.
Chiron is in Retrograde. This puts a magnifying glass on the wounds you are destined to endure and heal. Mine was traveling through Cancer at my time of birth—the house of relationships and family. The evidence throughout my life confirms that this is undeniable.
On a sunny Thursday afternoon, I sat in complete disgust and disappointment. My heart was broken. I was in shock. Everything I’d known, everything I’d been working for, seemed to be nothing but an illusion at this point.
I know now that the illusion was only dirt I’d swept under a rug. And I believed it was undetectable—no one can trip over what we choose not to see.
I looked at my daughter and saw myself—my inner child. She looked at me and saw my mother.
That night, I laid in bed tossing, turning, sweating, and waking from nightmares every other hour until the next evening.
Saturday morning, the day before the moon rises full, I realized all that had bubbled up to be released during this phase:
She deserves better. But if I let her go, she’ll walk around with a hole in her soul; she’ll spend her life filling it with dirt and searching for flowers.
She deserves better. And I have to be the difference.
So I won’t leave. I’ll sit in my pain. I’ll stare into its eyes and observe. I’ll allow myself to absorb its raw truth and feel it all until its fuel runs out, here.
I won’t blame her or shame her for being human. I won’t wear my mother’s shoes anymore.
I’m telling my 17-year-old fear that has sat on my shoulder, reminding me of the mistake I have the potential to repeat, telling me lies of the choices my unworthiness will make and turn me into.
I am now banishing it. I decided that it won’t happen. I’ll suffer. My truth will be uncomfortable at best. And I won’t be perfect, but I won’t be her, either.
Some curses we may not be able to break. But maybe we can chip a few pieces away. And that’s generational progress. That’s the unspoken work of healing the mother wound.
At this moment, I rest, eyes wide open, with more peace. I’ve been reminded that the stars are perfectly aligned, flaws and all.
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