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I’m waking up again.
The birds are chirping softly, and the smell of fresh coffee makes me smile.
Someone said hi to me today, and I beamed at them at the grocery store.
I forgot what it felt like to feel okay.
It’s a nice feeling. There’s a wholeness to my heart and color to my cheeks.
Someone’s text today made my heart flutter.
It feels nice to be awake.
That hole was dark and lonely.
I may fall back in, but I really hope not.
It’s okay, though, if I do.
I can survive in it.
Last time I was there, I stayed two years and five months.
The place has all my essentials—a diary, black mascara for ink, and a toilet seat to rest my hot cheeks on.
I’m not there, though, today.
Today the sun is shining and each message from a beautiful someone warms my heart.
I forgot what it feels like to dance in my socks on the floor.
I forgot what it feels like to flirt.
I’ve forgotten a lot of things, but they are coming back to me.
I bought some flowers today and replaced the dead ones in my vase. I don’t know how long they’ve been dead, but they definitely needed replacing.
I went to the grocery store too.
I even called a friend. I don’t think she recognized my cheeriness.
I don’t think I recognized it either.
I hope this feeling stays.
If not, at least I have my essentials in the hole.
I think, though, that I’m going to stay here awhile.
I forgot how much I liked sunflowers.
I like them very much.
Something is changing in me.
I’m getting older and my heart is calming.
There’s a hop to my step again, and I like it.
I don’t know how to stay here, but I’m going to cover the hole with a piece of cardboard.
I know it’s temporary, but at least I can stay out for a while.
Maybe I’ll forget it’s there.
Maybe I won’t.
No matter where I live, I’ll always have writing to keep my heart beating.
I just hope I take a break from writing in mascara.