4.7
August 17, 2021

I Forgot What it Felt like to Feel Okay.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

I’m waking up again.

The birds are chirping softly, and the smell of fresh coffee makes me smile.

Someone said hi to me today, and I beamed at them at the grocery store.

I forgot what it felt like to feel okay.

It’s a nice feeling. There’s a wholeness to my heart and color to my cheeks.

Someone’s text today made my heart flutter.

It feels nice to be awake.

That hole was dark and lonely.

I may fall back in, but I really hope not.

It’s okay, though, if I do.

I can survive in it.

Last time I was there, I stayed two years and five months.

The place has all my essentials—a diary, black mascara for ink, and a toilet seat to rest my hot cheeks on.

I’m not there, though, today.

Today the sun is shining and each message from a beautiful someone warms my heart.

I forgot what it feels like to dance in my socks on the floor.

I forgot what it feels like to flirt.

I’ve forgotten a lot of things, but they are coming back to me.

I bought some flowers today and replaced the dead ones in my vase. I don’t know how long they’ve been dead, but they definitely needed replacing.

I went to the grocery store too.

I even called a friend. I don’t think she recognized my cheeriness.

I don’t think I recognized it either.

I hope this feeling stays.

If not, at least I have my essentials in the hole.

I think, though, that I’m going to stay here awhile.

I forgot how much I liked sunflowers.

I like them very much.

Something is changing in me.

I’m getting older and my heart is calming.

There’s a hop to my step again, and I like it.

I don’t know how to stay here, but I’m going to cover the hole with a piece of cardboard.

I know it’s temporary, but at least I can stay out for a while.

Maybe I’ll forget it’s there.

Maybe I won’t.

No matter where I live, I’ll always have writing to keep my heart beating.

I just hope I take a break from writing in mascara.

~

Read 8 Comments and Reply
X

Read 8 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Rebecca Donaldson  |  Contribution: 96,890

author: Rebecca Donaldson

Image: sorrylines.art/instagram

Editor: Lisa Erickson