October 17, 2021

Every Relationship comes with an Emotional Risk.


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Saying yes to a magical love life implies taking a big risk: heartbreak.

Being in love is inseparable from the possibility of painfully experiencing separation from our beloved.

Sometimes, the fear of heartbreak traps us into patterns of keeping intimacy at arm’s length.

For some people, it means choosing partners that they perceive as emotionally more dependent than themselves, thus creating a sense of control and security from abandonment.

For others, fear of heartbreak translates into avoiding romantic relationships altogether.

While understandable, these patterns of self-protection can keep us from experiencing the heights of love and connection that are available to us.

On the other extreme, some folks struggle to move away from “crash-and-burn” patterns—those fiery, passionate, dramatic, and oh-so-predictably painful love affairs that often have roots in trauma or toxic power dynamics.

While including plenty of heartbreak, those patterns often serve to deflect deeper intimacy and vulnerability by creating unsustainable, short-lived relationships.

Gosh, you might ask, is there even anything in-between? Or any hope at all?

Yes (insert deep breath here). You can experience deep, soulful love that is also built on mutual respect, autonomy, and friendship.

No relationship is ever pain-free. To create a magical love life, you will need to take some emotional risks. That said, it is possible to do so with acute discernment and a well-equipped toolkit.

This means cultivating healthy behaviors and relational skills—such as self-care, self-love, boundaries, authentic communication, and staying connected in a supportive community outside of your dating life.

That way, you can develop emotional resilience and the ability to integrate whatever pain that comes up on your journey in a healthy, life-giving, and constructive way.

Emotional pain, including heartbreak, can be magical and transformative.

If you ask any wise and generous person about their experience of emotional pain, they will tell you they alchemized hardship into growth, love, and inner peace. With the right attitude, pain can deepen us, educate us, and polish us, rather than destroy or traumatize us.

Building an empowered mindset around our own zones of discomfort is the first step in transmuting pain into love, shining our light brighter into the world, and ultimately, creating greater relationships with others.


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