View this post on Instagram
We’ve met the perfect person, and swatches of Behr paint colors for our future weekend beach house getaway roll through our minds like a rainbow.
It is on. We have come to the conclusion that this person is perfectly destined, their astrological forecast is on point, and as far as we’re concerned: it’s go time.
However, sometimes our excitement for this shiny thing (love) can move us along a little faster than if we were objective and rational. Like if we were buying new car insurance or shopping for a new pool pump.
Even though we love the idea of this lovely, new prospect, we also don’t want to waste time on someone who isn’t worth it. Okay, so maybe we do want to overlook things just this once. That’s okay…we’ll get to that rationalization.
So whether it’s a week or 20 into that new love fest (or just waiting for it to begin), it’s never too early or late to take wise words of 90s rap to heart, like Wreckx-N-Effect, “Check baby, check baby. 1,2,3. Check, baby, check baby, check.” So without further ado, let’s check our baby.
Here’s the three-step formula to gauge a love interest:
1. Are They There?
This is not meant to be dismissive at all. Most of us are guilty of this at some point in our life. We meet that person, and there’s an energy between us. We may flirt and even discuss the electric attraction. In some cases, there’s a date or more and even a “fling” between us. We can chat on the phone and get together, but we’re often just in our head reliving a fun, little back-and-forth exchange that went down a while back.
But are they there now? Literally, are they currently in your life? Quite simply, we may be overanalyzing a situation. If we’re hashing out texts or messages with our friends and spending endless hours per day wondering if they like us, we may be wasting our time.
Sometimes the fantasy of a situation doesn’t match what is now. If someone wants to be in your life, they are going to be there. You will actually know it. They will ask you out and not as a “pal.” They will make it known, and you won’t have to consult your angel cards to know it.
2. Are They Available?
The most obvious and direct way to look at whether someone is unavailable is if they are married, in a relationship, or just got out of one and aren’t yet ready to commit. Once you’ve got that one figured out, there’s a deeper layer of availability that exists, lurking below the surface, that’s harder to see.
But first, on some level, we all probably have fears of commitment and can be accused by someone somewhere of being emotionally unavailable. We aren’t going to delve into that one because we need something to talk about in therapy, and it’s not solved in a flash. We’re all just working on ourselves and getting closer to authenticity and openness; it’s a journey, and we meet people where we are.
But we do want to talk about whether someone is consciously available. Meaning, do they want a relationship? They will tell you and perhaps already have. Did you listen? We want to believe what they say. If they just want to hook up and aren’t looking for more, believe them now.
3. Am I Making Exceptions?
We know exactly who we are and what we want. We’ve written it all out, and we know what’s a hard no. Then comes that surfer with a six-pack, and all of our morals get washed away with the tide. It happens to the best of us. No shame here.
However, if we don’t want to waste time and know we want a relationship, we want to ask ourselves, “Am I making exceptions and not thinking clearly because I really like this person?” An easy way to handle this is to step outside of the equation. Think of how you would respond to your bestie if she was dating someone doing the same things as this sun-kissed flirt. Remove the face. Report on the actions. Without Coppertone, the facts are way clearer.
Did they pass the one, two, three-step test? Is there a contender in the ring with you? They like you. You like them. Everyone’s on the same page, and you’re walking in the same direction.
Congratulations, this is excellent news.
But it’s not over yet.
Now that you’re in the ring, you will want to keep your eyes wide open. Do you think Conor McGregor drifts off and ignores what’s in his viewpoint? We never want to stop observing. Not in a paranoid “I’m about to get robbed” kind of way, but more of a “who is this person telling me they are?”
Relationships are about energy and give-and-take. Everything we need to know is right there in front of us.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.