October 8, 2021

This is the Codependency Loop.

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Have you ever ignored the dull pain of betrayal in the depths of your heart when you turn from your own voice in order to be accepted, wanted, and momentarily acknowledged by someone who holds no interest in your value or needs?

There are many reasons why we are attracted to someone and fall into a relationship that ultimately causes us pain and may even rob us of our identity. 

I would be hard-pressed to meet a person who hasn’t suffered some event(s) in their life that precipitated emotional trauma.

And unless you had educated, heart-healthy parents/adults imprinting onto your life, emotional trauma would have been swept away by those meant to protect you: adults hiding their own trauma, unable to cope with yours, covering up emotions with denial—making the event invisible, forgotten. It never happened.

But the Body Never Forgets!

The imprinting of trauma, whether physical or emotional, if not recognized and released, is carried into every relationship in our lives.

It may manifest as a physical symptom: a facial tick, migraines, blurred vision, joint pain, heart/other organ problems, stomach disorders (Crohn’s Disease, IBS, ulcers, gastroesophageal reflux disease).

It may manifest as emotional problems: showing up in relationships, attracting others into your life to deal with the trauma festering inside you. Ignored emotional trauma manifests as lack of self-worth, feeling invisible, procrastination, lack of identity, feeling demoralized, disconnected, isolated, anger, and frustration.

Relationships are the most efficient way your soul has to bring to the surface (pulling from the subconscious to the conscious mind) the toxic balls of trauma energy that lie in the shadows.

This brings us to: 

How We Betray Our Hearts by Saying Yes to Others.

Awww….the pennies start to drop when we recognize what we are trying to find in others can only be found within ourselves!

As children who have experienced forms of trauma from the events in our lives, we try as adults in most relationships to recreate the event/relationship to make some sort of sense of it—receive closure. We attract the same behavior patterns and people into our subconscious storyline.

We see the unfolding in the current relationship and pull out denial and compliance, justifying to our hurting soul and heart that “this time we will resolve the issue at hand.” What we had assumed as children were effective tools, denial, and compliance, we soon find those tools have lost their effectiveness as adults.

It doesn’t work. It never does. We are caught in a loop of codependency.

Betraying our hearts

The voice you hear crying inside you is yours. The sadness that weighs heavy in your heart is the betrayal of that voice. The anger, frustration, and disconnection from others are symptoms of the betrayal.

It’s time to let go of the old stories and reclaim your own voice. Your value lies within you.

Giving to others should be a reward, not a chore that causes you harm, ultimately disconnecting you from yourself.

In order to effectively care for others and their needs, you must first master the care of your own heart. There needs to be a fair energetic exchange between you and the receiver.

Remember this! Never play a supportive role in any relationship where nothing energetically is offered to you in return.

Your soul and spirit are your greatest cheerleaders!

Your barometer in any relationship is how you are feeling—if you’re energized and alive within it. (Even when working through trials and issues that arise.) By learning to have nurtured yourself first and recognize your voice, the leading of your soul and heart, you’ll be able to stand in a place of genuine strength instead of need.

Seek wholeness within by owning the truth of who you are. Honor your own voice and heart.

You’ll never find you in someone else.


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