View this post on Instagram
It had been so long since we had seen each other, that it felt slightly awkward. In a fun way, perhaps. The waitress, who was dressed as the blond version of Eleven from “Stranger Things,” sat us down and brought us both cups of extra strong Sumatran coffee.
I spoke about everything that had happened over the past two years and, by and by, the topic meandered over to the world of post-30s dating.
“I gave up entirely on apps,” she admitted.
“The problem is that love and romance is such a visceral experience. It only happens to me when I feel a certain vibe that…”
She grew a look of frustration on her face as she searched her mind for the word.
“…Emits from a person’s soul. Like when you’re standing in the same room together. Or it happens at work or it happens sometimes in a bar or a bookstore—but it never happens staring at a screen. So you go through all of this trouble to message back and forth for a week or two and get to know someone and then you meet and…nothing,” she explained.
I understood. It was funny. The coffee was uber strong and caused her to talk in these long, flourishing sentences that I found endearing. As I walked to my car to begin my drive home, I was slightly tranced out, thinking about what she had said. If I have learned anything over the past few years, it’s that love never arrives when we are looking. When you are “emitting” the vibe of the Great White Hunter, you are likely repelling anything that even resembles love.
That is when it hit me like a Catholic Epiphany. Of course! Meditation.
I remember reading this interview with the great filmmaker, David Lynch (“Eraserhead,” “Blue Velvet,” “Twin Peaks”). Lynch has been practicing Transcendental Meditation every single day for the last 48 years. Alene Dawson from The Los Angeles Times asked him what was happening in his life that made him start TM, and he said:
“I think there’s a thing in life or something clicks, either you’re fed up with suffering or you become a kind of seeker, you sense there’s something more to life… There is a line, ‘know thyself’… It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing to experience that… True happiness is not ‘out there;’ true happiness lies within.”
It was right then that I felt the clouds from my latest bout of depression start to break away. We hear the cliches all the time, but these things usually convey nothing until we reach them on our own.
No one is going to make me happy, I realized. I’m going to have to meditate myself into the place I am looking for: the place of contentment and love.
I am going to open the discussion even further and make a case for why I believe daily meditation can bring anyone the happiest love they’ve ever known and, subsequently, the best sex they’ve ever had:
1. Change what you are Emitting
As I mentioned earlier, people do not fall in love with us because we have perfectly symmetrical noses, nice cars, or 50,000 followers on Twitter. People generally fall in love with other people—whether they are conscious of this or not—because of the energy that a person gives off. It is a mysterious element of humanity.
When we meditate, we change the energy we are projecting by degrees. The longer and more regularly we do it, the less we feel the need to seek anything outside of ourselves for happiness.
It has been proven time and time again that once you stop seeking something outside of yourself, all good will come your way effortlessly. If this sounds too good to be true, try it as a social experiment. Go 30 days without wanting anything except 40 minutes all to yourself—two 20-minute guided meditation cycles each day. See what happens. (I’ll include a good one at the end to get you started!)
2. Meditation has been Proven to Increase Libido
It seems obvious, doesn’t it? Meditation, when practiced with some regularity, decreases stress. Stress is about as conducive to good sex as a grouchy father-in-law in the next room. In addition to cutting out stress, it increases mindfulness. It helps us become more present and more focused on what is happening right in front of us.
I don’t know about you, but I have experienced the nightmare of trying to figure out a budget while my partner is softly moaning right in my ear. It’s the sort of thing you can really wind up regretting when they are no longer around.
3. Orgasms, Orgasms, Orgasms
The orgasm question, while I’m not trying to make any generalizations, seems to be more of an issue for hetero women than hetero men, at least in my experience. Now, of course, I am not talking in absolutes, but for the most part, men don’t struggle as much as women in this area. Some theories for why this occurs center primarily around increased levels of cortisol (the fight-or-flight hormone) in many women these days. Meditation has been proven to lower cortisol levels, thereby making orgasms easier to attain.
4. Your Connection with your Partner will Only Improve
Relationships begin to degrade and break apart when one or both people stop being emotionally supportive of one another or when communication begins to fail. Meditation, which as I mentioned helps keep us in the present moment, can improve both of these issues. This is especially true if both partners are practicing meditation.
And as far as sex, connection makes for far better sex than novelty ever could. In other words, a deeper connection can be a much bigger turn on than sex with a beautiful stranger. Believe it or not.
5. The Benefits of Increased Blood Flow
When it comes to men, I needn’t have to go into too much detail here. Increased blood flow is what drugs like Viagra were designed for. Meditation can do the same thing naturally and for quite a bit less money. Women also benefit from increased blood flow. It leads to increased engorgement of the clitoris and vaginal walls, and with that comes increased lubrication. Put more succinctly, all our sex parts just seem to work better in this state.
Meditation has always found itself in that elusive compartment in our life where we store “giving money to charity” and aerobic exercise—things we know we should be doing more of but always put off. And much like the other items in that compartment, we know we will feel so much better once we get our ass in gear and just do it.
So commit and get ‘er done. You’ll thank me some day.