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November 5, 2021

Enjoying the Silence of Solitude (& Other Revelations from my 30s).

 

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For the longest time, I was unable to spend a quiet second with myself.

I was always looking for someone to talk to, or someplace to go to, or even something to do.

For the life of me, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the concept of enjoying my “me time.” Growing up reading a lot of Western literature and watching innumerable series and movies from the west, I was always in awe of the concept of loving the time spent with oneself.

Eventually, as I passed through different phases in life, I valued my time more. I even more so valued all the hard work I put in each day to maintain work and relationships. I played each role perfectly.

What I know now at almost 30 is that eventually, with the chaos of life, we learn to quieten our minds. That with our innumerable deadlines, we learn to center ourselves and remember to breathe. That with so many obligations and an innate need to be there for the people we love, we eventually learn to steal away time for ourselves.

Sitting in my loose tee and shorts, watching a random movie off of Netflix while cozied up in my crisply done bed, I truly enjoy the company of myself. Even while sipping tea and looking at the sky and the random activity in the common garden, the stillness of my mind is something I look forward to each time I am by myself. While going on a walk around my block without an agenda, I truly appreciate being there for myself without any pressing need.

As opposed to a day filled with activities and spending time in loud places, as if I was so desperately trying to get away from something, I have spent years being so anxious with my own company.

The lesson I have learned over the years when I would so desperately fill in my free time is, although I always took it for granted, but eventually, life grows and we lose more and more of ourselves.

This quote keeps coming back to me, “You cannot fill someone else’s cup when your cup is empty.” This is so true.

With a lot of chapters in life and many more to come, I believe before I step up to any additional roles, it would be good to first check in with myself and understand myself in the sheer silence of solitude.

I truly enjoy the insight and comfort the “me time” gives me. It is almost a relief being still and alive instead of running and chasing. It lets me rewind and gather more strength for the days ahead.

 

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