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March 23, 2022

trust in something bigger.

I have felt your love, benevolent one (my higher self). 

I didn’t understand it at first. Mostly because I learned early on that “love” looked like pain, betrayal, and manipulation. 

My trauma bonds left me confused. 

But you… you’ve always


Steady. Consistent. 

I never saw You as dependable and trustworthy until these last few chapters on Earth.  . In fact, because I didn’t understand ME, or YOU or US…. I felt betrayed. By it all. Rather than held. 

But as these last few years have ravaged me… I fell…. Into YOU. 

And now I know. 

Every. Single. Thing. That occurs in my life is on purpose. Is FOR me. 

And I deeply trust that. 

All those lovers that I thought I needed. Clinging to the violence and victories and calling it intimacy. 

You knew better. Better than I ever could have dreamed. Thank you

All the “failure” and rejections in my business. The opportunities I thought I missed. 

You were simply protecting me. You always saw the bigger picture. Thank you

Every single obstacle that I once cursed you for I now see perfectly how it created the space in me to simply be. 

You knew all along what perfection would look like for me. 

My egos resistance to your truth and wisdom created so much suffering. 

My self doubt (doubting you) created fear and pain, recreating the same trauma over and over. 

But despite my rebellion and my walls,

Despite the ways i made life so hard… 

You Stayed. 

You held me up when I couldn’t hold myself. 

I know now. That little nudge I feel within. The one that says “I promise you are made for so much more” 

That’s you. 

Staying. And reminding me to Stay. 

Thank you for the magic, the miracle, the pleasure, the love, the health, the wealth, the money, more. 

For you I kneel. In my power. In my submission. I am You.  I am yours. 

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