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April 14, 2022

Self-Love is Not Selfish: 6 Tips to Fall in Love with Yourself.

Life coaches and motivational speakers preach self-love.

Most people like to listen to them speaking about self-love. People are also too excited by motivational quotes on self-love and don’t waste any time sharing them.

So, there is a lot of information about self-love floating around. We have heard it all and like to hear it.

The problem is its implementation.

We like to discuss the topic with others, but when it comes to loving the self, we are full of reasons why it is not possible.

Some popular reasons are:

I am not good enough.

No one loves me, so how can I love myself?

How can I love myself when others find so many faults in me?

Self-love is selfish,

I have too many responsibilities to take care of. I don’t have the time to think about myself!

If I love myself, others will think I am selfish!

Self-love will make me narcissistic!

Besides these, there are several reasons for us not to love ourselves. 

But did you know that self-love can be a game-changer? It can transform your life in more ways than you can imagine.

Here is how self-love can transform your life:

You will be more attractive 

If you accept yourself and love yourself, you stop looking for the love of other people. You become an individual full of love for yourself, someone who will be in a position to give love instead of craving it. Being a “giver” of love in a relationship instead of a taker makes you attractive. People are naturally drawn to you because you are not demanding their attention.

You will not require validation

When you love yourself, you do not need validation from others. You will stop caring about the words and opinions of others. This is the ultimate level of independence. You will not crave the attention of others because you are content with who you are, and what others think of you doesn’t matter. This reduces your expectation from others.

You will be more confident

People who love themselves are extremely confident. They make bold decisions. They can face the world comfortably. They are not inhibited. They are ready to take on new challenges.

Better quality of relationships 

The quality of your relationships with everyone around you improves simply because you are ready to give love to others instead of expecting it from them. Many people look for partners in relationships as people who will “complete” them. Often, they are disappointed when they find that their partner cannot “complete” them. If you are in love with yourself, you will not look for someone to fulfill you. Instead, you will form healthy relationships with others.

You are happier

You reduce a lot of stress in your life when you are unaffected by the judgment of others. Besides, love is a positive feeling and fulfills you from within. Fulfillment makes you happy and content. 

Quality of life improves

The quality of your life improves drastically as you go about your life with confidence and make meaningful relationships.

So, these are some of the ways that self-love can transform your life. All this comes from personal experience. I have myself experienced each of the above-mentioned changes in my life when I fell in love with myself!

Let me tell you how I stumbled on the secret ingredient for a happy life: “self-love.” Then I will give you some handy tips on how you can fall in love with yourself too!

Ever since I was a kid, I felt inadequate. I always felt that I did not look good, I was not as smart as other girls around me, and so on. I have grown up with a huge inferiority complex and I always looked down on myself. The problem was compounded by the fact that many of my classmates in school also treated me as someone who was not good enough. As a result of this, I had few friends in school and I preferred to stay away from people. I was never in the limelight. This continued as long as I was in school.

When I went to college, I was slightly more confident because I had excelled in my academics in school and was doing well academically in college. But, that was not enough for me! I wanted others to think I was good. I sought validation from everyone around me.

And, I have discovered in life that the more attention-seeking you are, the less you get it. Or rather, you are never satisfied with any amount of attention you want. The result of this hunger for validation made me get into exploitative relationships, as well as unhealthy relationships. This did not help my deep-rooted inferiority complex.

Life just passed as I graduated, started working, got married, and so on. My low self-esteem was my partner through all these stages. I had two kids and became a full-time mother. And, whatever was left of my self-esteem was depleted. The reason for this was that the world weighs the worth of anything in monetary terms. And, the job of a homemaker is not a salaried one. So, you become insignificant to people around you. I would envy working women and regret my decision of giving up my career.

As I was going ahead in life with all this burden, I began to feel worse about myself. And then, suddenly, my world changed.

No, I did not have a Fairy Godmother with a magic wand. It was a brief tryst with spirituality that changed my life.

I started watching videos by spiritual leaders and I realized the importance of self-acceptance and self-love.

I tried the suggestions and I found that I began to accept myself. Self-acceptance was the first step. As I proceeded on the spiritual path, I found it easier to love myself. With self-love, everything changed.

I became cheerful and the cheer spread to my family. We had a more positive environment at home. My relationship with my husband changed for the better. And, guess what?

After staying at home for 20 years, I reentered the corporate world as a fresher in the field of content writing. I did extremely well in my job. I won awards and I was promoted just six months after joining. After working for a couple of years, I started my own content writing company.

When I look back at where I was 15 years ago, all this seems like an impossible dream. But it happened! And, I have realized that I have only gone from strength to strength ever since I accepted myself as I was.

I have relayed this story as a living example of what self-love has done for me.

If it can change my life, it can change yours too. The question is: how?

It is all about changing your mindset. Your mind is like a child and it believes what you tell it. So, if you keep telling your mind you are not good enough, it will believe you!

Here’s how you can change your mind:

1. Affirmations

Most people who find it difficult to love themselves are those who think they lack something. The truth is that we all lack something. No one is perfect. You need to accept yourself with what you consider your shortcomings. This starts with positive affirmations. Stand in front of the mirror early in the morning and tell yourself that you are good enough.

Are you one of those who doesn’t like to look in the mirror? Believe me, I was there myself. But standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself that you are enough works! This is because when you do this, you are sending a strong signal to your brain. And, if you are consistent, you will find that you will start believing it yourself. This will boost your self-esteem.

2. Do things that make you happy

You may have been holding yourself back from doing certain things because of your low self-esteem. Once you have accepted yourself, it will become easier for you to do things that make you happy. Stop depending on others to make you happy. You know what makes you happy—just do it!

3. Identify genuine people in your life

We like to believe that we have a lot of friends and well-wishers. Believe me, none of your Facebook friends or Instagram followers are your true friends. Many of your relationships may be with fake people. It is vital that you learn to identify the real people in your life. People who are with you through thick and thin.

Remember that the genuine people in your life may not be “sugar and spice and everything nice.” So, look closely around you and find them. Once you have found them, you will realize that it is not a long list of people. There will just be a handful of people to whom you really matter. You need to invest in these relationships and nurture them. When you do this, you will find that they reflect the love you give them. This will fulfill you.

4. Prioritize your needs

We usually prioritize things like money, responsibilities, others, and work in our lives. We often say we do not have time for ourselves. We don’t because we do not figure anywhere on our priority list. We need to prioritize our needs and make sure that we take care of them.

5. Self-care

Taking care of your physical and emotional health is important. If you love yourself, you will take care of yourself. 

>> Make sure that you include some form of exercise in your routine. 

>> Eat right (there is no harm in indulging once in a while).

>> Get some fresh air and sunlight.

>> Get enough sleep.

>> Have some “me time”—spend time with yourself.

6. Practice Gratitude

I have found this to be a life-changing practice. Maintain a gratitude journal in which you list down at least three things you are grateful for. By doing this, you will shift your mindset from lack to abundance. This positive feeling will reduce your focus on feelings of inadequacy. You will realize that you have too many things going well for you to focus on things you lack.

These are some tips for falling in love with yourself! Try them and let me know in the comments!

~

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