On Love, a Message from the Goddess Herself.
It’s not about me, yet all about me. I don’t need anything. I’m fortunate to have my basic needs met—food, shelter, and so one, without any help from another.
Although this has not always been the case, it was just part of my journey. And that too, I am grateful for. The help was given to me without expectation.
I have come to understand and have healed a big part of me that I thought was missing from another. Love. It was missing in me.
And the needs I had were the needs I projected onto others. It was selfish; and for that I have and will apologize when necessary, out loud and silently for my own benefit.
Apologize to myself, mostly. I truly didn’t understand my own ignorance.
I believe it is also why addictions exist, any addiction—the void and unhealthy ways of filling it. I was severely depressed at one time; it was the void, a lack of love for myself.
I began to realize some of it along the way, little bits and pieces, but when She showed up in my dream, the Light went on for me, and the Way began to open.
Now, I realize “the green door” in the dream that she was sitting in front of was Love, and “being blocked” was because there is only one person with the key. Me. She was talking about Herself, but it could have been anyone.
Me and everyone.
I had to have the space and time, without distractions, to do the work to uncover it, unbury it from the dirt of the past.
Thank god for fucked up choices and situations, and my willingness to stand up for me, for once, and do what is right because that allowed the path to open, the door to be unlocked and cracked open, so I could see the beautful Light coming through.
It was always there, just locked away. I say that with caution, because I am aware of it, but I also have not been out in the world much lately, so I am not naive enough to know it won’t take practice beyond these walls. Unlearning the old ways, by pausing and realizing the new way.
The world is a mess, people are a mess, in a state of confusion; I have an intention not to own that, only my own way of being, my path, and without hesitation, and let go of what is not best for me or my highest self.
There are a lot of types of connections.
However a forever, deep connection with minimal suffering with another is also equally up to me, and my responsibility, because the only way to become One, a deeply connected and loving One, on every level, made of two whole beings, is for both to walk and talk the Path with absolute and complete conviction.
It’s God, Goddess, Buddha, Jesus, the Light, whatever you want to call it. The embodiment of it. Not just loving the words or preaching the philosophy. Being it.
A way of being, that is then just simply and freely shared and accepted with another being that has found it within. Otherwise it is difficult, out of alignment and creates much unnecessary suffering.
Love is an awareness of a choice to approach every interaction, every moment, every connection, and every experience with acceptance, openness, healthy expression, allowance, care, compassion, and presence.
It’s not just in a relationship with another; it can only occur when it begins with the relationship with myself, which then, by natural law, just overflows into everything and everyone else in my life.
It’s not one, or two, or ten million specific things. It’s however it shows up. Life experiences.
It’s how I work.
It’s how I nourish my body.
It’s how I keep your space.
What I choose to be in my space.
It’s how I talk.
Its how I occupy my time.
It’s how I take care of myself.
It’s how I support and care for myself, express my emotions, heal myself, mind, body, spirit.
It’s recognizing and being aware of my ego, being “right” about my thoughts and beliefs, and shutting that fucker up when it’s unhealthy or detrimental.
It’s taking responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and actions.
It’s understanding how to fill my own void, created from past pain, so that I do not cause unnecessary suffering to another trying to do it. It doesn’t work anyway. No person could ever fill a void within me. No person, or thing. That’s my work.
It’s how I do my necessary tasks.
It’s how I rest when I need it.
It’s how I say no when I need to.
It’s how I say yes when I want to.
It’s how I respond to setbacks.
It’s how I help.
It’s how I see, without my eyes.
It’s how I respond instead of react.
It’s how I relate to the world and everything in it.
It’s the influences I allow or don’t.
It’s taking care of the thoughts and beliefs that I have and ridding those that aren’t loving or kind or that do not serve me.
It’s living in a state of gratitude, instead of lack.
And probably a million other things that have escaped me at the moment. It’s a way of life.
It’s nothing else but being it and sharing it, without expectation or need for validation.
Because if two people are it, and in alignment with the value in it, the appreciation, fulfillment, peace, expression and acceptance of love, is natural. Because it’s in each person, and therefore easy; it just flows.
The movie and love song kind of love is not real love. It’s romanticized and in real life, fails before it even starts. We have been sold a lie, a load of shit, time and time again, and that is one big reason so many marriages and relationships end, because we are bombarded by this shit constantly. Fake, superficial shit they sell and call it love. Superficial and ego based; temporary. Not to mention it’s on a screen, played by actors; not real life. It’s scripted.
It’s not all hearts and flowers, because those have meaning only when we actually experience actual love and connection from another. Giving gifts or anything else and then being shitty, some level of abusive, completely negates the giving and actually helps create another void and severs the connection, sometimes a little, sometimes completely.
And, it’s not all kisses and rainbows and agreement because we have big brains with egos that may be intellectual, intelligent, but aren’t very aware or wise sometimes. A lot of times.
It is having the ability to see into another and realizing, hopefully, that the ego and ignorance has just resurfaced temporarily, and remaining calm and present through it. And it’s not who they normally are or who they want to be. It’s fear, the absence of Love, a wound, within themselves.
It’s work to become, because there is so much unlearning to do, and takes an astute awareness and presence to keep walking and talking that way of being. Until I practice and become it and have fewer wobbles; missteps, I would think.
Love takes a lot of wisdom, self-reflection, responsibility, and practice, because we have ridiculously ignorant brains and complete unawareness and lack of presence sometimes. A lot of times.
I would rather have no intimate relationship than a shitty connection. I’d rather be alone than lonely next to someone. And rather have no one touch any part of me, that is not present, no kiss that doesn’t go deeper than my skin, and first sees, and touches my soul. Committed. And that only comes from the ways of being of the two. It’s the how and the why of the being and doing. The intention.
I am becoming it and actively releasing everything that is not it. Who knows if it will find me, or if I will be able to share it with another, but if I ,myself, am not in alignment with Love itself, it never will, and I will cause myself suffering just from being out of alignment with it. I trust that whatever is along that path, I cannot help but run into.
With all of this I finally “get” the Law of Attraction, which is something that in spite of me trying, and reading, was really difficult for me to understand.
It doesn’t only exist, it is absolute truth of the ways and laws of the Universe. You attract what you are. Wounded attract wounded, self-perceived halves attract other halves. Fear attracts fear. And Love, beautiful Love, attracts only more Love. Wholes attract wholes.
Through all of the confusion, I believe every human, whether they realize it or not, has ultimate desire for deeply connecting with themselves and others. Love. It is what is “missing”, and each individual has their own unique key to unlocking it.
I’m all finished with the facade. Deep, meaningful, unconditional Love, for myself and others, and every relationship I choose to surround myself with; this is the path I’ve been asked to honor and walk.
My only intention for me being extremely vulnerable by sharing some of my journey is that it helps someone else find their way out of the darkness, confusion and suffering. We are all worthy, and deserving, for it was what we were born of and what will return to after this physical experience.
Blessings, Gratitude and Love,