I have been thinking alot about adult friendships, not just because I am now 30 and handling life and it’s many turns. But because when I was 15 I always thought friendships will last a lifetime and didn’t realise that for something to last a lifetime, it requires efforts, mutual efforts.
In conversation with two of my friends, I firstly pride myself in having friends who are absolutely different from me, I have friends who have chosen different life paths in terms of personal life choices and professional. This has not been an obstacle for us. Infact with the unrelated stories we have, we have always managed to be there for each other.
This isn’t however true for many of my other friends, with whom I have nothing in common anymore, am sure I too have failed them in some way, the way they have failed me. We occasionally connect on obligatory events and birthdays. We ask each other how we are and give a blanket response that says nothing but it serves the purpose of the momentary discussion.
Adult friendships is hard work, like maintaining professional life with hard work, like maintaining health with efforts like having solid relationships at home with parents or spouse or child. Every great relationship is made on efforts. We cannot deny that.
I often compare real life with the series FRIENDS, I have always admired the honest portrayal of friendships.
So similar to so many of us going through different hardships in real life and yet being there to pop the champagne at our friends celebration.
Times I have felt that I am so different from some of my closest friends with whom I had mostly everything in common up till college. Now married and away looking after our own lives. I often see that we are so different.
The homogeneity has evaporated somewhere.
And our lives have become as different as they show on the series of FRIENDS.
Chandler and Monica going through a difficult phase with wanting to expand their family yet they were absolutely there and supportive for their friends unplanned child even gave up the name of their child for their friend.
Ross being divorced time and again and absolutely failing at maintaining a family. Yet he is the best support for his sister’s marriage from the start.
Rachel had it all and she gave it all up to start a new, being an almost bride and wife, she let go of all her competitiveness when it came to her best friends getting married to amazing men.
Joey is the perfect example of a friend who has the most diverse life and his unwavering affection for his friends and their life troubles is remarkable.
Last but not the least, the character I adore, Phoebe had nothing normal most of her life, from not having a childhood to not having a family to having an estranged sister to not ever being able to afford good education.
Her character is the most resilient and loving, she has missed so much and she is the biggest cheerleader of her friends.
Purest form of friendship is when you have nothing going for you and you can still celebrate your friend.
Most of us are now one character or the other.
I know I am a mix of Monica and Phoebe, I have friends like Rachel and Joey. I know on most days I am Ross and some of my friends are Chandler.
But despite our differences we are there for each other. Maybe not in the attached at the hip way like we were. Maybe not on the phone all the time like before.
But there are still friends in my life who will pick up my phone if I call in the middle of the night and I know I will do the same for them.
Friendship isn’t you have this and I don’t.
Friendship is you have this and I have this but not of it matters if we have each other.