Every man I’ve ever loved was wrong, wrong, and wrong in every goddamn way.

Why do we love the wrong ones? I think to myself as I sit on the beach watching families enjoy togetherness while making sand castles and splashing in the ocean.

I always wanted that. Togetherness. I always wanted to have this cute, adorable little family with my husband by my side. He’d build his own sand castle with our children while I helped dig a moat around the castle or we’d take walks along the beach together as a family.

But that was not what happened.

Why the hell do we love the wrong ones?

We fall in love with the wrong people when we base our relationship on how we feel for them versus how they actually treat us. We become so wrapped up in the idea of this person that we lose sight of what love is and somehow miss the signs that they are all wrong for us.

We miss the fact that he never spent time with us.

We miss the fact that he didn’t participate in the relationship.

We miss the fact that we never communicated let alone had any deep conversations.

We miss the fact that he didn’t notice when we were upset.

We miss the fact that he didn’t remember anything we told him.

We miss the fact that he just didn’t care.

We miss the fact that he made all the decisions.

We miss the fact that he didn’t talk about the future.

We miss the fact that we felt really f*cking lonely.

It’s almost like we cling to someone just because they are available instead of really seeing them for who they are.

We are not connecting with them. We are not growing with them. We are not falling in love together. Instead, we are falling in love with the idea of what we want it to be. Not what it actually is.

When we love the wrong ones, we spend most of our time trying to change them. If only he would communicate more. If only he would spend more time with me. If only he would treat me better. If only, if only, if only…

If we fell in love with one of the right ones, we wouldn’t spend our time wanting, needing, or demanding more. We wouldn’t want to change anything about them. This doesn’t take away the fact that there might always be things that bother us, but they won’t consume us. We won’t spend days, weeks, or months pondering over all the things we wish were different about this person and the relationship.

Despite all the pain that comes with loving the wrong ones, I believe that sometimes we have to love the wrong ones to get to where we are going. We have to love the wrong ones to find out who we are. We have to love the wrong ones to figure out what we want. We have to love the wrong ones in order to grow.

There are lessons to be learned when we love the wrong ones.

I learned what really matters when it comes to relationships. A relationship will never be that Hollywood type of love that I always dreamt of finding. I realized that I didn’t need flowers or gifts or fancy dinners or even fabulous vacations. I learned that having someone by my side through it all was most important.

I wouldn’t change anything about loving him if there was a chance I didn’t learn realness when it comes to a relationship.

Loving the wrong ones brings us to this very moment in our lives. I wouldn’t be living in this town if it wasn’t for loving one of the wrong ones. A town with good hardworking families who love the community. A happy place where I truly feel I belong. Maybe I would have ended up here anyway. But I am here because of him.

I wouldn’t change anything about loving him if there was a chance I wouldn’t have ended up here.

Loving the wrong ones brings us beautiful friendships. I wouldn’t know my gym friends if it weren’t for loving one of the wrong ones. We joined the gym he recommended, but we ended shortly thereafter. I met some of the best people at that gym. These are the people who inspired me to compete in my first triathlon, row on my first dragon boat team, and overcome my first Spartan race.

I wouldn’t change a thing about loving him if it meant never meeting those amazing people or doing any of those kick-ass things.

Loving the wrong ones made us who we are today. I wouldn’t be a writer if it weren’t for the heartbreak caused by loving one of the wrong ones. I’ll never be a famous writer. I’ll never win a Nobel Prize. I may not even be any good at writing, but I found my voice, and I write with my heart and soul.

I wouldn’t change a thing about the heartbreak I experienced with loving him if it meant I never would have written a single word.

Loving the wrong ones teaches us the importance of love. Love is dedication, passion, and consistency. Love is a strength. Love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Love is opening our hearts to experience all its wonders.

I wouldn’t change a thing about loving him if it meant I wouldn’t be able to open my heart to experience love.

But now I want to love one of the right ones.

I know what I want now. I’m not scared to be true and authentic about who I am when it comes to love.

I know what’s good for me. Someone who feels like home.

I will never force a relationship, settle for a one-sided relationship or give myself false hope. Relationships are meant for two people. Two people who have the same goal, to be together.

I will be true to myself. I will trust my head, heart, and soul when it comes to my wants and needs concerning love.

I believe in actions, not words. I want to see that he loves me and feel it in every part of me. I won’t accept words without actions.

I won’t be with a person who doesn’t value or respect me as much as I value and respect him.

I’m not in a rush to find someone or get into a serious relationship. I believe the right one will come along when it’s the right time.

I’m okay with being alone.

The ability to be alone is absolutely necessary to being in a relationship. Self-love, confidence, and strength attract one of the right ones. It will teach me to accept every part of who I am. And it will open me up to love again.

I don’t regret loving any of the wrong ones. Every one of them brought me here today and made me who I am.

It brought me to the moment when I realized that I don’t want to love the wrong ones anymore.

I’m ready to love one of the right ones.

Someone to connect with. Someone to grow with. Someone to feel love with.

So we can experience togetherness.

~

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