November 2, 2022

Mindful Masturbation: A few Tips for Intentional Self-Pleasure. {Adult, Partner}

This post is offered in partnership with our friends at Dame. They’re an eco, sexy, fun company dedicated to spreading sexual pleasure and education. We’re honored to work with them. ~ ed.

Sexploration, whether on my own or with a partner, is one of my favorite pastimes.

But it’s been a minute since I locked my legs around anyone’s waist and let my breath build from a soft sigh to a deep moan.

The box full of sex toys recently and discreetly shipped from Dame, an eco sex toy company dedicated to spreading sexual pleasure and education, winks alluringly at me from my kitchen table.

I’m aching to try out the Dip, which is the less expensive “new kid on the block” at Dame, but with all the same bells and whistles as their other great products. At first contact, its silicone curves are pleasing to the palm of my hand. I attach it to a convenient magnetic charger and set about getting my mind in the right place.

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Like so many of us, I have been rather consumed with family concerns, business obligations, and the humdrum of life: chop wood, carry water, etc. Even after enlightenment or in the midst of sexual revolution—life goes on.

I’ve been in a cerebral place most of the day: listening to webinars, answering emails, writing on other subjects. Suddenly, I am acutely aware of the fact I have not eaten, brushed my teeth, or showered, and I am in my “Paws Off” sweatpants (it’s printed right across the butt, with little paw prints placed on each cheek for good measure). Snarled curls rest piled high on my head, and a roomy sweatshirt tents my curvy breasts.

This won’t do. I’m a sensual being, but right now I feel like a scrub.

Thoughtfully, I rub a purple-painted finger tip over my lips, noticing they’re a bit chapped. The season is shifting from balmy Indian Summer to chilled October. The heater has officially been “turned on.”

But what about me? When was the last time I was turned on?

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I need to be able to feel my body. I need to be grounded.

In the most basic (and non-sexy) language, “Grounded means you can feel your butt in the chair, see sunlight coming through the window, feel tension in your calves, and hear the wind stirring in the tree outside.” That’s what Bessel van der Kolk says, at least.

So let’s convert that to Sexy Justice Speak:

Wiggling my purple-painted toes beneath my navy sheets, I shudder as that certain series of sensations are set in motion.

As I inhale deeply, the muscles in my vagina pulse and contract. My eyes widen a bit and I can feel blood flushing to the surface of my flesh. There’s a subtle pulse in the soles of my feet (an erogenous zone), the rosy dawn a bit brighter, the pink, pinker. I can hear my own heartbeat—and then there’s that full body shiver. Oh, yeah!

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This is what I need: to connect with my own body—my innate sexuality and sensuality—before I add any kind of additional stimulation, be that from my man (who’s not around) or from the toy (the Dip), that I’m so excited to try.

Sexuality—eroticism—is nuanced. It’s about so much more than connecting certain parts of our anatomy with another person’s. I mean other people are fun, but they aren’t always available, and developing a connection with our own sexuality is important.


I do take great pleasure sending pin-up styled pics to a particular man when in “the mood,” because aside from being an internal as well as relational dance, sex is an art form.

My sexuality, sensuality, and creativity are inextricably linked. I have referred to this before as my mind, heart, and (pardon my French) cunt connection.

If that word strikes you as vulgar, I will point out the root of that word: common. And then point out that (according to some), “cunt” is derived from words denoting female priestesshood. So here we have that exquisite blend of the mundane, the mental, and erotically charged spiritual.

All my synapses are starting to tingle. Now I’m aroused.

So what happens (hormonally) when we get turned on? Our systems are flooded with nitrogen oxide and noradrenaline. These chemicals increase the blood flow to our sex organs, making things hard, slippery, sensitive and wet.

Now, on top of what I already spoke of, my inner thighs are tingling, the curls that rest on my collar bones draw my fingers towards them, (another erogenous zone and one of my favorite places to be kissed). My fingers wander a little lower, my nipples stiffen as if a cool breeze were whispering over my body. My belly flutters. My head lies back.

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Now I’m ready to take a Dip in those warm, sensual waters with my little buddy from Dame.

Oleg Ivanov/Unsplash

Grabbing my periwinkle pal, I press the button one time and place it between my thighs, not quite touching any of my sex organs. When engaged in solo sex play, I typically cum with clitoral stimulation. I want to slow down and see not only how long I can prolong this process, but how many sensations (from different places) the Dip can evoke from my body.

The first setting is gentle. The Dip has five pulsation rates that increase in intensity and stimulation, but remain consistent—no random patterns or jerking.

I hold it between my thighs going “hands’ free” at this point (and still writing).

Getting to know our lady parts:

Many women suffer from decreased sensitivity around their sexual organs and during sex. Extended care and play—for all parts of the vulva—can help the body open, lubricate, and relax. It can also help women feel more comfortable and more confident during sex (alone or partnered) when we familiarize ourselves with our own anatomy.

Start with the mons pubis, this is the upper most part of your vulva. You can place a hand over it, holding it—cupping it. Our vulvas like to be held.

As your fingers drift lower, you’ll find that elusive little button colloquially called the clit (or clitoris). This little lady is like that iceberg the Titanic hit. You can only see her surface, but the network of nerve endings are like the roots of a tree, extending deep beneath the ground and linking up with the rest of our nervous system. It’s no wonder it’s such a wild fount of sensation.

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Next you’ll come to the labia minora and majora. Those lovely lady curtains come in all shapes, lengths, and colors (every vulva is different and every vulva is beautiful), and they surround the vaginal opening, also called the “honey hole.” Below it is the perineum, or what is sometimes called the “taint” because it ain’t quite…well, you get the picture. The last stop is the anus and it, too, is an erogenous zone.

The whole sexual landscape is a play ground of sensation and pleasure and the wild terrain of the bold sexplorer.

So far, what I like about this vibrator is the shape. It’s not a “giant dong;” it’s a few inches long with some very pleasing curvatures. It’s easy to hold in place. I pump it up to the next level and begin caressing it against my vulva. Then, wanting more stimulation I pump the Dip up to level 3.

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Due to the shape and size of the Dip, I’m still “hand’s free,” and up until now have been writing. The Dip is managing to cover that whole pubic erogenous zone, with its consistent pulsation—from tip to base and everything in between!

The more pointy side is directed towards my clit and though it doesn’t provide the same kind of extreme stimulation that a “suction toy” (Dame’s Aer for example) would, when applied “right there”, it’s doing great, even at less than full power. That little nerve bundle is sending spicy signals to other areas of my body and I’m glad I’ve got my hands free to indulge in some self-massage.

I let my hands wander over my body as my flesh gets warm and tingly.

Though G-spot orgasms aren’t typical for me, (and I know Dame has a toy specifically for that: the Arc), I want to give the Dip a chance to “get me there” that way, too.

As I increase the Dip to 4 and slide it inside my vagina, with the tip searching for “the magic spot”, I can tell I am not about to be disappointed!

And now pardon me as I put down the laptop. As the Dip has officially plunged me into a deep dive with some serious pleasure!

There is no doubt about it: the Dip definitely delivers.

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Dive Deep into More Pleasure (Elephant Tested & Approved).

1. Aer

"A fun, efficient, no-nonsense orgasm machine."
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Justice Bartlett  |  Contribution: 373,735

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author: Justice Bartlett