I’ve been that easygoing woman.
The one who let men decide where our connection was going, while secretly hoping they would choose me.
The one who would pretend not to have needs and go along with everything, so I could be the “cool chick.”
The one who was terrified of rocking the boat and asking for “too much.”
Surely it’s too soon to ask that, so I’d go along for the ride on the “let’s just see how things go” train.
The younger version of me would hear men say, “I’m not ready for a relationship,”
And would secretly get straight to work.
If only I show you how amazing I am, then you will want to be with me.
If only I give you more time, then it will be so obvious you want to be my partner.
Just you wait—I’ll show you.
I’m the best you ever had baby.
I’m like no other woman you’ve met before.
I wanted you to show up.
I needed you to show up.
As my partner.
As a man.
I saw it in you.
It was there, just waiting to come out.
But like a fool, I thought I needed to be better.
I thought for the right woman you would change and become the man you needed to be.
You would show up.
You would be all in.
You would choose me.
But you didn’t.
You were a boy parading around as a man.
How could you give me something you couldn’t even give yourself?
How could I expect you to be that man when I too was ambivalent?
How could I expect you to choose something when I didn’t even ask?
The truth was, I didn’t want to know the answer, because somewhere deep down I already knew.
Let’s stop pretending being the “cool chick” is cool.
It’s a watered-down version of you.
It’s a version everyone can relate to but no one actually knows.
And it will always leave you disappointed.
Having needs is cool.
We want all of you.
And when someone’s unclear about what they want, believe them and usher them out the door.
There are people in this world who would be thrilled to meet you, needs and all.
So rock the f*cking boat baby!
There isn’t room for ambivalence.
Let that be your standard.