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This article is written in partnership with The Feminine—they’re dedicated to providing women with resources to help reconnect with our sacred sensuality and divine feminine nature. We’re honored to work with them. ~ ed.
I could tell the sensation was there, but I just felt…numb.
I couldn’t tap into that satisfying warmth that lets you know you’re really waking things up. Despite knowing that I was squeezing and activating different muscle groups during a fitness training session, I just couldn’t tap into my body.
It wasn’t unlike some recent struggles I’d had with really feeling sex. And feeling translates into enjoying, does it not?
Here’s the deal: I’m not in love with my body these days, and I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who can relate.
There’s a pressure for us to be what an outdated, shallow society might label as “feminine” in outward appearance. At the same time, there’s a demand for us to “man up” and embrace more “masculine” traits if we want to be treated as equals in the playing field of life.
As I’ve ravenously pursued money and “stability,” I’ve neglected what makes my heart happy. I’ve eaten beyond satiety. I’ve sat still longer than I should. I’ve played far less and have been exponentially more serious and stressed. Cue the build-up of pounds.
In short, I’ve lost myself, and the resulting lack of confidence and connection to person and purpose has been overwhelming. It’s left me feeling rickety in my self-identity and my power.
But, enough is enough. And if you’re resonating, there’s something we can do to spark change.
Over the past year, I’ve been working through the courses offered by Oana Stoianovici over at The Feminine, a website and cozy nook for coaching that aims to reconnect us women with our divine femininity (speaking from an energetic standpoint, of course, not the gender binary).
In Oana’s free sensuality masterclass, “3 Ways To Embody Feminine Energy,” we learn how to:
>>Feel with our whole body
>>Bring our sensory capacity to life, and
>>Prepare our body to pulsate with ecstatic pleasure
That last bit is in reference to experiencing anything from fully feeling and appreciating the burn of an activated workout, the next euphoric bite of a gourmet meal, or the electric zing of a sexual climax.
Recently, while revisiting the material from Oana’s sensuality masterclass, two golden nuggets of wisdom struck me:
First, the disconnection from my physical body was simply a signpost pointing to a lack of sensual practice in my life despite my last time through the class being about a year ago (they call them practices for a reason, after all).
And then, there was the truth bomb: I’ve been semi-consciously tuning out my body when it comes to physical activity.
My 190-pound body feels foreign and unfamiliar. My skin creases firmly and painfully in yoga poses that I used to joyfully melt into. It holds me back from athletic motions I used to pride myself on being able to do (a full sit-up that isn’t arrested by my belly getting in my way, for example).
But our connection to our feeling, sensing bodies is absolutely crucial to thriving in life. And it’s even more essential if we desire to connect to the divine feminine energy within us and effortlessly operate from that just-right balance of powerful softness.
3 Reasons we should Strive to be more Sensual Every Day
If you’re stuck in your own way, whether that’s fully stepping into your body for physical health reasons or to experience heightened pleasure during physical intimacy, the key is to know exactly how to reignite your sensuality.
Here are three motivations to help you step onto this sacred path:
1. Sensuality helps you relax and unwind.
When I’m feeling disconnected from my body, I’m often way more wound up, on edge and prone to snapping on myself or others. Practicing feminine rituals that gently activate my senses is one of the easiest ways to slow down, unwind, and deactivate.
Tapping into our body through sensual practice, we are more able to connect with our body beyond shame and fear—the two modes through which we most often relate and “connect” to them.
As we learn to disarm shame, and tap into all the senses that come along with being fully in our bodies just as we are, we’re better able to love them and listen to what will help us feel better and more connected to them.
As we learn to disarm fear, whether it’s of restimulating trauma, or running into our own or others’ judgments of our bodies, our relationship to ourselves only deepens and becomes icreasingly rewarding and pleasurable.
Imagine softening into your lover’s touch as they place their hands on your soft belly skin during a moment of intimacy rather than tensing up in fear that they don’t like it or feeling shame about your figure. Imagining unfurling to the pleasure of their touch (or even your own!) instead of shutting down and going numb while trying to avoid the discomfort..
If there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it’s that I tend to lose far less weight and feel far less cozy in my body when I’m aggressively focused on losing the pounds rather than getting carried away in the pleasure of the activation at hand, or how my body feels while carrying my weight.
As I reconnected with the knowledge I’d gained through my prior sensuality practices, it became clear to me that I’d disconnected from my senses during my workout because I feared being faced with muscle weakness. I felt ashamed of my perceived level of fitness.
But what if I’d embraced the shaking and awakening muscles of my body? What if I had turned up the volume and listened to my quivering muscle fibers, interpreting them as a “thank you” for the activation rather than judging my trembling as weakness?
How much more could I have felt? How much more pleasure and pride could I have taken away from that moment?
Developing a conscious relationship with our body can ease us into feeling and accepting ourselves. And that’s, quite frankly, about the only place from which we should probably approach weight loss or increasing our body positivity.
2. Cultivating sensuality increases your vitality.
These past couple of years, I’ve been feeling “old” in my body. My energy levels have been zapped and I’ve felt depleted beyond what I feel a 37-year-old should be experiencing.
When opening our senses through regular sensuality practices, we become more aware of our needs and desires. From there, we’re better able to tune into our bodies and grow a stronger understanding of their needs—what fuels or drains them, what energizes or depletes them, what motions help them thrive or deteriorate them.
I’ve newly taken on a project I’m lovingly calling “Project Mom Bod.” I’m seeking to make my body a suitable home for the child I hope to grow within me in the near future.
As a part of that project, I’ve included a fitness regimen. I’ve taken on almost daily yoga or fitness classes, and have been indoor climbing for several hours twice or three times a week. It’s been addicting. To the point where I began pushing myself too hard—and ignoring it. But the body finds a way.
After a four-hour climbing day, my body recently put a stop on motion. My arms, shoulders, and back began spasming to the point where I noticed sudden visual jerking motions while doing things like holding pots and pans, or drinking a glass of water.
In my over-abundance of “doing” energy and my aggressive pursuit of arbitrary fitness goals, I’d again muted my body’s senses.
But what if during my physical activities I’d have taken a moment to close my eyes, feel my breath, and connect with the energy of the earth beneath my palms in each down dog or while grasping every hand hold during a climb? Might I have felt the fatigue and known it was time to be gentle?
What if I’d embraced emotional fluidity, and acknowledged the loud, critical thoughts and insecurities telling me I was weak if I took some rest days? Would I have avoided an involuntary several-day pause in pursuing activity plans built into my Mom Bod Project? Probably.
But after a few days of listening to my body, and tapping into its needs, I’m feeling more awake and motivated to have at it all again with a more tender, sensual approach—with mindfulness, acknowledgement, and ease.
3. Sensuality helps you open up for intimacy and eroticism.
It’s only when we’ve cultivated sensuality and increased our vitality that we can discover and play with our erotic universe and sexuality beyond our long-held restrictions and limiting beliefs.
And that is what The Feminine’s sensuality masterclass helps us to do.
As I answer my divine call to sensual practices that open a connection to my body through its ability to take everything in, my ability to care for my sacred vessel, to honor its wants and needs, my capacity to communicate them to a partner grows.
Even the wants and needs themselves have evolved to become more tender.
In past relationships, I confused sexuality for sensuality. I equated lust with chemistry, and physical pleasure with compatibility. When I entered my current partnership, that system of beliefs no longer held water. And it was frustrating as hell.
It took me years and my going through Oana’s Sensuality Masterclass to realize that what I was lacking was sensuality. My whole experience with relationships had actually been based on a degree of primal, mind-driven attachment rather than soulful, heart-driven intimacy.
Cultivating sensuality taught me that it’s possible to find even deeper access to eroticism beyond the first phase of falling in love—and that we can even have it independently of our lover.
Those “recent struggles” to really feel sex? They’ve been gone for months.
Tapping more and more into my body, the level of intimacy I’ve been able to experience both within my own skin and partnered between the sheets has only deepened.
Nurturing sensuality raises our vibration, working like a magnet for passion and pleasure—with or without a partner. It teaches us to awaken the senses, build erotic momentum, and become enveloped in pure pleasure. Not just the surface stuff we might be used to experiencing.
That’s been an incredibly valuable reward.
The idea of connecting with yourself and tuning into your body, facing your shame and fears, and learning to play with your sensuality rather than trying to work your seduction on someone might feel a bit overwhelming. I get it. I’ve been there. That’s normal, and that’s why Oana’s sensuality masterclass is here to help.
You don’t just come in flaming hot. You start with a small bud of sensual practices designed to help you build a foundation for (eventually) fully blossoming into your sensuality.
Peace, grounding, and connection to the inner self and all that your body is capable of taking in can be yours.
Instead of tuning it out, why not turn up the volume and open to experiencing it all?