February 17, 2023

In Defense of “Bromance.”

Recently, a writer and thinker I respect greatly criticized the term bromance. Something about how it was an insult to men’s close relationships, perhaps putting our loving friendship for one another to some gendered shame. She had a fine point.

But…I replied:

“Hmmm I love the thrust of this—as an emotionally intelligent, caring, sensitive, communicative man I have many emotionally open and needful relationships with male friends, and sometimes people, including their wife or gf, call it a bromance.

I’ve never minded. It seems friendly. We laugh or smile. There is no shame in being close to my guy pals. As you say, it’s a loving friendship. I don’t feel like they’re shaming my sexual orientation, or dissing my LGBTQ friends. If anything, I feel like they’re communicating something about the beyond-gender-constructs that is the connection of love and friendship.

Interesting! Love your thoughts and care and heart.”


Someone else replied to my comment: “I love this. Just cause we call it bromance or his boyfriend… I mean it’s no difference than calling my girls my girlfriend..?”


And, my reply: “Honestly if anything we’re comfortable in our sexuality and friendship and blurring lines in humor and affection, if not reality, and those lines can be too rigid, sometimes.”


And so, like many things, it’s complex. All about context and nuance and intention. And so, for now, I’ll continue not-minding it when folks apply “bromance” to me and my buddy Miguel, or using it myself.

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