February 6, 2023

Why Dropping the Struggle with Your Difficult Emotions is the Only Way to Go.


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“Hey little one, I see you.

I hear you.

I know you’ve been struggling;

Feeling lost and confused,

Wondering, if someone can help you.

I see you’re gripped by some things, struggling to let go,

But dropping the struggle is the way to go.

So sit with what grips you and have a little chat,

Let it go with love and grace,

Start from where you’re at.

I know you want to fight and are struggling to let go…

But sometimes, dropping the struggle is the only way to go…”


We’re all kids living in adult bodies, isn’t it right?

While we continue to grow up, deal with life and its challenges, learn and unlearn stuff about relationships, and are forced to grow up, there are parts of us that don’t.

There’s always that one version (or more) of us—our younger self—that keeps popping up every now and then and makes us think about how things could have been different, only if…

And we find ourselves grappling with some really strong emotions and thoughts when they show up, such as:

>> Anger: we get caught up in our own ruminations about the things that went wrong and end up feeling angry at others, our own self, or just circumstances in general. Most of the time, we just don’t know what to do with all this anger that shows up out of nowhere.

>> Guilt: we all makes mistakes and have made plenty! Yet, moving on from our mistakes or the idea that “I could have done things differently” isn’t easy. Sometimes, we can hold onto this guilt for years and years before we finally realise that it’s time to let go.

>> Shame: this is a big one, and I don’t think words can do justice to the depth of this emotion. When we make mistakes or feel that we haven’t been our best self, we can get gripped by these intensely strong emotions of shame and humiliation. It’s almost as if we’re questioning our identity, existence, and feel that we’re not worthy of even existing.

>> Sadness: at times there is nothing but sadness that looms over our heart and mind for all that went wrong, could have been different, or could have been ours, and because we can’t do much about it, we only feel sad.

As we move ahead with time, we may think that we’ve left these parts behind and that we just need to just “let it go,” but that doesn’t truly happen, does it?

It never happened so easily with me! It took me years to just understand my anger, hold my sadness with compassion, and let go of my guilt. Yes, I too was gripped with shame, and for the longest time, I didn’t even want to acknowledge it.

“The reason we suffer from our emotion is not because of the emotion itself, but because of our resistance to that particular emotion.” ~ Teal Swan

The acknowledgement itself hurts, so we don’t even get to it.

Even now, some of these parts show up. However, I’ve learnt to talk to these younger parts of me in a way that makes them feel seen, heard, and understood.

In doing that, I’m able to do this for my self in the present and find a way to keep going.

At the end of the day, these difficult emotions and states are your own younger versions who never felt heard or understood, who grew up with a sense that something is missing or perhaps didn’t get an appropriate closure.

But can you go back to your past and change anything? The answer is a big fat no!

You can only find ways to reconcile with it, learn, and keep walking forward in a direction that you choose to, and if you don’t, life will just be about getting stuck in these emotional loops again and again.

At times, you just need to sit down with your younger self and have a chat. Help it to deal with these difficult emotions that come up by saying:

“You did the best that you could. If you had known any better, you would have done things differently. Perhaps, what you did and how you handled things was the best possible thing for then. It’s okay, my friend. Let it go…”

Sometimes, that’s all you can do right?

Sometimes life isn’t about changing at all.

It’s about accepting and embracing what was and what is so that we can continue to move forward. It’s about owning and connecting with what feels disconnected within us and just allowing it to connect without any fight or struggle.

Sometimes, it’s not about struggling at all.

“When embraced and accepted, negative emotions can be a powerful catalyst to positive change in one’s life and can lead to deeper feeling of meaning and authenticity.” ~ Dr. Paul TP Wong

When these difficult emotions show up for us, we can’t change anything. We can only look at them, listen to what they have to say, and allow them to go.

“Our emotions need to be as educated as our intellect. It is important to know how to feel, how to respond, and how to let life in so that it can touch you.” ~ Jim Rohn

It’s only when you’ve dropped the weight of your past, or sometimes even the present, that you can truly see the missing pieces, put them together differently, and create a new picture.

Your baggage will transform into learning once you’ve dropped the struggle with it because it’s only then that you will truly be able to see what is worth holding onto and what needs to go.

And letting go will always be about not fighting with what was and what isn’t.

It’s not fighting at all.

“What if each time you experienced an emotion, you acknowledged it, accepted it and became curious about its message for you? Imagine how this could change your life. Imagine how heard, loved and honored you would feel if you really listened to your self.” ~ Vironika Tugaleva


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