In 2021, I really needed to not be in my flat.
The abrupt ending of a 3yr, intense AF relationship had left me reeling and every instinct told me to run.
I knew I couldn’t stay in that space, anchored as it was to what were rapidly becoming painful memories.
I joined a house sitting site and moved temporarily to Bristol to look after a gigantic, adorable tabby cat.
The house was lovely, the shower room downstairs had underfloor heating and I would often lay, back on the hot, dry tiles, feet up the wall, warming my kidneys and allaying the deep fears that had been triggered that I was somehow fundamentally flawed and that’s why I was ‘not chosen’.
I say this now with a clearer sight on my ancestral patterning of actual abandonment and rejection – far more serious than my situation- but felt in every cell nonetheless.
My conscious brain knew categorically that this wasn’t about me but there was aeons old silt somewhere that said different.
Anyhow, it was an interesting time.
The space was clean, residue-less, freshly observed, without taint, and as such, I was able to exist in it rather like a specimen in a bell jar – seeing myself from the exterior and intuiting what was required to keep me in a state of equilibrium.
I think of that place fondly.
The cat was just being a cat, completely neutral to my presence, occasionally coming to offer healing purrs on my lap on particularly dark evenings, but for the most part, it was all just blessed isolation.
Every single day there were deluges of grief that poured from me.
(Sometimes you have to vomit a lot to get rid of whatever poisoned you…)
I went all in.
Like I do with every aspect of living.
When you are in a committed relationship with Truth, anything other than all in is so glaringly fake it’s just not an option.
I ran a live version of my program Reverence which was entirely divinely guided and potent – those women are soul sisters.
I have almost no recollection of how the live calls unfolded.
All I could do was to get out of the way and let it come through.
And come through it did – they’ll tell you what a portal that 6 weeks was…
What I want you to know is that when patterns are dissolving for good, when the generational curses have surfaced in you – the end of a long lineage – it is excruciating to be with their death throes.
And you cannot even fathom what is on the other side of that Self Mastery work.
The undreamt possibility, the deep self trust and the opening.
The immense force, crystal clarity and knowing.
The absolute conviction that there is zero time to waste ever second guessing your own intuition or curtailing your full expression.
The clearing.
The deeper thing.
The real Truth with a big T.
There are so many components that make it possible for me to come through situations that would otherwise break me.
My mission is to share as many of them as I can because I believe we are here to enjoy it and I want that for everyone.
The body knows.
I love you
I want to see you win.
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