I am just going to say it, “I am mad at God or whomever you identify as your higher source. There I said it. I AM MAD AT GOD.  No lightning bolt striking me down on the spot. No special delivery to the fiery infernos of hell. Or Am I? In Hell?  Because I gotta tell you I am only 29 days into the New Year and my life feels like hell. And let’s be real, the world at large feels like hell. Has for a while. Can someone say Covid 19, War in Ukraine and now Israel? Happy New Year, my tush. I am just not feeling the Happy New Year vibe. I am not. And worse yet, the two of the people I love most in the world, are legitimately dealing with some heavy, out of their control circumstances.

I promised myself I would be “that girl” the one who believed that 2024 was going be her year. I was going to hold on to hope, beyond all hope that “ All would be well” in 2024. That butterflies, fairies and unicorns were going to land on my lawn and poop rainbows. And yet here I sit 29 days in with fingers on keys, writing a Dear God, I am mad at you letter. In my opinion, worse yet, here I am standing in the middle of the two people above, pretending to be their poster girl for positivity when my own foundation is quaking, and my legs are shaking because I am a fraud.  The thing is, if I am being completely honest with myself, I don’t believe it either. I don’t believe ALL is going to be well in 2024. Don’t get me wrong. I deeply want to, but that is not the way life works. You don’t go to sleep on December 31 and wake up on January 1st and everything is automatically better. Life is hard. Life is constantly changing, and change is hard as AF.

There is no magic pill, no full proof mantra, no self help book, that makes it all better all at once. It takes strength, perseverance, and consistency and hard friggin work to make your life better. And unfortunately, sometimes when you do the work to be better, you still get knocked down again and again and sometimes yet AGAIN. Then the biggest and hardest thing of them all, sometimes you have to watch those you love, be in pain and there is nothing you can do to FIX IT for them. Thusly…. sometimes you just get to be Mad at God.

Because you know what?  He can take it. He can take your anger, your sadness, your fear, your frustration and doubt in yourself and Him. He can hold it for you, while you regroup, and get back up on your feet and try to believe again. So go ahead, be mad at God. Remember, I already took the leap, I said it FIRST for you, and no instant transportation to the devil’s lair. So get it out, shout, scream, rant and rave, throw a temper tantrum at God. Put him on your DO NOT REPLY list, if you want to, but then my friend, take a deep breath, a breath of God in fact and begin again, because here is the thing, if you believe me that it is okay to be mad at God, then you BELIEVE in God, in spirit and a power greater than yourself and that my friend is where is true faith comes in, in the belief there is something, someone higher than you, looking out for you and you are not alone in your madness and sometimes that can be just ENOUGH to get you through…. even when you are mad at God.