On the 14th of February, I felt like everyone went crazy over Valentine’s Day.

I kept seeing all these headlines of articles popping up everywhere about love and Valentine’s, the stores decorated their windows with hearts and pink or red ribbons, chocolate and flowers on sale and all that comes with it.

As a teen, I used to be disappointed because none of the guys I dated gave a crap about it, or as it was most of the times, I was single on this day. So while all my friends were receiving gifts and had been taken to fancy dinners, I felt unloved and a little ashamed to share with others that I, again, didn’t receive anything for Valentine’s. Everyone felt so sorry for me and gave their unrequested advice not to worry—one day I will find a guy who will shower me with love and attention and gifts on Valentine’s Day.

That day came and I was super excited for it because I knew my guy planned something special for me. It was incredible; I got a new dress for the occasion, and I was taken by a limousine to an expensive restaurant where a candlelit dinner was prepared for us in a private room filled with red roses—just like in a Hollywood movie. Then I got ghosted at the beginning of March.

Don’t you worry; the prophecy came true again and I met another guy who similarly showered me with amazing gifts on Valentine’s days. Sadly, that was the only day of the year when he really cared about me, and after two years of living together I figured he was cheating on me since we started dating.

So yeah, since then a lot of time has passed and I feel like I have transformed into many different persons over the years but one thing still remains: I can’t give a flying crap about Valentine’s Day anymore.

I came to understand that it’s not what we do on a specific day (like Saint Valentine’s Day) for our relationship that matters, but what we do any other day. It’s about how we show up daily, how we support our partners daily, and how we show our love when they need it the most.

Valentine’s day is about love, but when we think of it, how many of us think of romantic love? Almost everyone, right? But love is so much more than that; it includes our parents, friends, pets, and above all, ourselves.

I purposely didn’t want to share this article on Valentine’s Day but some time after.

Recently I got into the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza and started a meditation challenge to change my life. I read his books and listen to his talks. I saw an interview with him where a lot of what he had said answered my questions about love, self-love, and relationships.

Self-love and relationships sound like two different things that have nothing to do with each other, don’t they? When we think of a relationship, we think what is between us and another person. Most of us don’t really think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. And this relationship is a base to any other relationship in our life.

I used to have a bad relationship with myself when I was younger. Only in my 30s did I start to work on my relationship with myself and practice active self-love. That kind of self-love that goes beyond Insta-worthy bubble baths and spa days. I mean the kind of self-love that can be hard and takes a lot of work. It might include going to therapy, shadow work, re-learning who we are, serious self-development, and many more things.

And trust me, the better your relationship gets with yourself, the better your relationship gets with everyone else.

There are some “rules” we can apply to our romantic relationships (or any other relationship that are fundamental to the relationship with yourself), which I learned from the above mentioned interview with Dr. Joe Dispenza.

1. Identify and share the same purpose.
2. Bring your best to the relationship. Work on yourself instead of turning your relationship into work.
3. Don’t confuse self-love with pleasure. Self-love involves working on yourself so that you require less from the people in your life and your environment.
4. Practice self-awareness and self-love so that you can grow and be sovereign in your relationship.
5. Find ways to support each other on this path.
6. Accept that there will be challenges and mistakes. Only give your honest perspective when your partner is ready to ask for it.
7. Celebrate your efforts together every day.

As I mentioned before, these “rules” can be applied to every relationship but not everyone is on the same level as you. Don’t let that discourage you from practicing these from your end in any relationship—be it with your partner, your sibling, or your mother. Even if it’s not reciprocated, just know that the other person needs to evolve to reach the level of awareness you are on, but it doesn’t mean they won’t catch up. And even if only one person gets more conscious in a relationship, it improves the relationship overall as well as the work on yourself, and you slowly get better with these practices.

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