Lemme tell you why I like Trump. And when I say “like,” I mean “love.” And when I say “love,” I mean “worship.” And when I say “worship,” I mean I’m scared of him.

Why am I scared of him? Because he’s so strong and manly and dominating. You know, avoiding the draft like a coward while making fun of those who’ve served, belittling their service at every turn. And what a business man! He knows how to steal and con with the best of them! Because he wrote the book on how to do it, after all! And when I say wrote the book, someone else wrote the book for him.

Now, he’s a charming guy. He can go up in front of 1000s, and by that I mean hundreds, these days, and insult everyone, be vaguely racist, but you can tell he’s a good, God-fearing servant of the Lord. I mean, he doesn’t go to church, or read the Bible, or care about ethics, but other than that–wow.

Now, he’s a great patriot. Not of the US, which is a democracy, and he’s more of an autocrat, a tyrant, a dictator. But he’s a great patriot, say, of North Korea or Turkey or Hungary or, most of all, Russia. He just loves other strong fearful toxic men who oppress others, like journalists and gay people and women and children and our stupid planet.

Whelp, I gotta get back to wearing my loud tee shirt and waving my plastic US flag made in China. Busy day!

PS: