May 22, 2024

Why I Walked Away from My Online Business after 20 Years.

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Sitting in silence on the shores of Burlington, Vermont’s Lake Champlain, where the sunsets paint the sky with a riot of colors, I found myself at a crossroads after almost two decades in the online coaching world.

I was an online coach, helping countless individuals with their businesses, ADHD, and finding the magic in everyday life through live music.

My journey had its fair share of moderate success, and while I was undeniably good at it, something was missing. It started to feel more like an obligation than a passion, something I was supposed to do rather than something that I was meant to do. It was really confusing.

The Challenge of Consistency

Let’s be real—consistency has never been my strong suit. As someone with ADHD, a manifestor in human design, and a Gemini sun and moon with Leo rising, sticking to one thing day in and day out was like trying to tame a tornado. My energy levels were unpredictable, changing monthly, weekly, daily, and sometimes even hourly, especially now as I navigate the joys of perimenopause. This made running an online business incredibly demanding. Constant content creation, relentless promotion, and always being available for clients—it was draining and didn’t leave much energy for anything else.

I felt like I was trapped in a never-ending loop, putting the same old stuff in new costumes, hoping for a different outcome, but it always felt like a charade. I saw so many successful online entrepreneurs and thought, “If they can do it, so can I.” And I did, to an extent. But deep down, I just didn’t like it that much, and I had a hell of time admitting that to myself because I kinda didn’t want it to be my truth. You can only run from truth for so long.

The Fire Within

The turning point came during a retreat I led in Mexico recently. There was something about that experience—the family that was made in just a few days, the huge shifts people experienced in such a short time, and getting take care of everyone by stepping into my fun auntie role so all they had to do was show up and have their minds blown was just everything.

A few weeks after that, I guided a large group of people on Jam Cruise through an intention-setting ceremony under the full moon, feeling the energy of the ocean and the group—that sparked something inside me. It was like my soul was waking up. This feeling was further amplified after leading a live music yoga class with Ryan Montbleau while the ship sailed further and further away from Miami. And then, during the first tour with my band, The Middle Ages, it hit me: this is what I was meant to do.

These in-person experiences ignited a fire within me, a passion that had been smoldering for far too long. I realized that by letting go of my online coaching business, I would finally have the time, space, and energy to nurture these passions that I’d been half-ass watering for years. Though I was grieving the loss of who I thought I was, I began to see where my true gifts lie. It was equal parts terrifying and exciting.

Creating Safe Spaces is My Jam

One of my greatest strengths is creating safe spaces where people can be themselves, let their free spirits soar, be silly, and find the courage to go after their dreams. This is where my heart truly lies. The joy I felt during those live events was incomparable to the monotony of online coaching. I knew I had to follow this newfound passion even if it didn’t really make sense on paper.

There’s something magical about being in a room full of people, feeling the collective energy, seeing someone’s face light up when they have a breakthrough, or when they finally let go and dance like no one’s watching. That’s the stuff that makes my heart sing. And I realized I needed to do more of it.

Embracing Vulnerability for the Win

Leaving behind something that had been a part of my identity for nearly 20 years was incredibly hard. It felt like shedding an old skin, a part of me that no longer served my growth. The fear of the unknown was daunting. What if I failed? What if I was making a huge mistake? But I reminded myself that true magic lies outside our comfort zones.

As someone who has lived with ADHD her entire life, I understand the challenges of managing energy and staying focused. How easy it is to abandon ship and jump into the next shiny thing. It’s easy to get caught up in the success of others and measure our worth against their achievements. But the truth is, success isn’t one-size-fits-all. What works for someone else might not work for you, and that’s perfectly okay.

A Golden Nugget of Advice for You

If there’s one golden nugget of advice I could offer, it’s this: listen to your heart. It knows the way even when your mind is filled with nasty thoughts and doubt. If something isn’t in alignment with who you are and what you love, it’s okay to let it go. Even if it’s been a part of your identity for almost 20 years. It’s okay to grieve the loss of that part of you, but also be open to the new possibilities that come with change.

It’s so easy to get stuck in the trap of thinking you have to keep doing something just because you’ve been doing it for so long. But life is too short to spend it doing things that don’t make you happy. Trust me, I know how hard it is to let go. I spent years trying to force myself to fit into a mold that wasn’t made for me. And when I finally allowed myself to step out of it, I felt a freedom I hadn’t felt in years.

I remember nights when I’d stay up late, trying to muster the enthusiasm to create content, feeling like I was failing not only myself but also the people who depended on me. I’d sit at my computer, staring at a blank screen, feeling like a fraud because my heart wasn’t in it. There were days when I would cancel sessions because I just didn’t have the energy. The guilt and shame were overwhelming. I felt like I was letting everyone down, including myself.

What’s Next?

Now, I’m fully embracing in-person experiences—leading retreats, wellness workshops infused with live music magic, and performing with my band. These are the things that light up my soul. By stepping away from my online business, I’ve made room for these passions to bloom like a field of sunflowers.

To anyone feeling stuck in a situation that doesn’t resonate with your true self, know that it’s okay to change direction. It’s okay to prioritize your happiness and well-being over societal expectations or perceived obligations. Your journey is uniquely yours, and it’s never too late to rewrite your story. I’m almost 47, and I’m doing it.


Leaving my online business after almost 20 years wasn’t easy, but it was necessary for my growth and happiness. It’s a reminder that sometimes, we have to let go of the old to make way for the new. By following our hearts and embracing change, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and magic. If you’re feeling out of alignment, give yourself permission to change course. Trust that your heart knows the way, and remember that the magic lies in the journey, not the destination.

Love you.


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