Love is supposed to feel warm, safe, and uplifting, isn’t it?

It should be the place where you can be yourself, feel supported, and know that you’re valued.

It needs to be your safe space, where you can simply be. But sometimes, love is anything but that. Sometimes, the person who’s supposed to love and care for you ends up breaking you into a thousand pieces before you get the chance to realise what happened.

That’s what a toxic relationship does—it slowly drains you, makes you doubt yourself, and leaves you feeling stuck. You know deep down something isn’t right, but you just can’t seem to walk away, and that’s because sometimes by the time you realise it’s a toxic relationship, it’s too late.

A toxic relationship doesn’t start out that way.

In fact, in the beginning, it might have felt like the best thing that ever happened to you. The chemistry was strong, the connection was deep, and they made you feel special in a way no one else had before.

Maybe they showered you with attention, called you their soul mate, or made you believe you were the missing piece in their life. It felt magical, almost too good to be true.

And maybe it was.

Because slowly, almost unnoticeably, things began to change. The warmth turned into coldness, the sweet words turned into criticisms, and the connection that once felt deep started feeling confusing. You found yourself constantly trying to win back the version of them you first met, hoping that if you loved them enough, they’d go back to being that person.

But they didn’t. Instead, you found yourself stuck in a cycle of highs and lows—where love felt like something you had to earn rather than something freely given.

One of the most damaging things about a toxic relationship is how it affects the way you see yourself.

You start off by being your confident, happy, and full of life self. And slowly, something begins to change. You start doubting yourself and feel like your feelings are “too much” or that you are “overreacting” because that’s what you keep hearing about yourself all the time. Slowly, the feeing that you’re not enough and nothing you do is enough begins to take over and starts to stifle you. You become afraid to speak up because you don’t want to upset or disappoint the other person and before you realise it, you’re walking on eggshells.

Little by little, the person you used to be—the one who laughed freely, spoke their mind, and felt secure—starts fading. Overtime, you become someone who second-guesses everything, doesn’t prioritise their needs, and who stays in a relationship that makes you feel small.

And the worst part?

You start believing that maybe this is normal. That maybe love is supposed to be this hard.

You also hear people say, “If it’s so bad, why don’t you just leave?” And you know that you can’t and even you don’t know why.

So what is it about such relationships that makes it so hard for you to leave?

1. The highs and lows keep you hooked.

Toxic relationships run on a cycle: love, pain, hope, repeat. One moment, they’re cruel, distant, or dismissive. You feel unimportant and unloved. But just when you’re about to give up, they pull you back in—maybe with an apology, a grand gesture, or a reminder of how much they “love” you. And in that moment, relief washes over you. You convince yourself that maybe things will get better. You hold on to the hope that the version of them you fell in love with will come back for good. But it doesn’t. And the cycle continues.

2. Fear of being alone.

It’s scary to imagine leaving, especially if they’ve convinced you that no one else will love you the way they do. Maybe you’ve heard things like, “You’ll never find someone who understands you like I do”, “No one else will put up with you,” “You think you’re better off without me? Good luck.”

Over time, these words start to feel true. Your self-esteem is already shattered, and the thought of being alone seems unbearable. You’d rather stay in something painful than face the unknown.

3. Hope that they’ll change.

This is one of the biggest reasons people stay—because they believe, deep down, that things can get better. You remember the way they used to be—the person who made you feel special, who made promises about the future, who seemed to love you deeply. You convince yourself that if you just try harder, if you love them enough, if you’re patient, they’ll change.

But they don’t. And the truth is, you shouldn’t have to work this hard just to be treated right. Love isn’t supposed to feel like a constant battle.

4. You’ve invested so much already.

The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. You’ve already poured months, maybe years, into this relationship. You’ve fought for it, sacrificed for it, and convinced yourself that if you just hold on a little longer, things will get better.

But staying in a situation that’s breaking you just because you’ve been in it for a long time doesn’t mean it’s the right place to be. If any of this feels familiar, know this: you are not weak for staying. You are human.

But you deserve better. You deserve a love that feels safe, kind, and consistent. A love that doesn’t make you question your worth. A love that allows you to be yourself, without fear of rejection or punishment.

So, what can you do?

1. Acknowledge the truth.

One of the hardest things is admitting that the relationship isn’t healthy. You might keep hoping they’ll change or that things will get better, but deep down, you know the pain outweighs the joy. Stop justifying their behavior. If it’s hurting you more than it’s healing you, it’s not love.

2. Stop romanticising the good times.

One of the biggest reasons people stay stuck is because they hold on to the happy moments. Yes, there were good times—but those don’t erase the hurt, the manipulation, or the emotional exhaustion. If they truly loved and respected you, the bad wouldn’t outweigh the good.

3. Talk to someone you trust.

A friend, a therapist, or a support group—someone who will remind you of your worth.

4. Start setting small boundaries.

See how they react when you say “no” or express your needs. Their response will tell you everything you need to know, and if you’re serious about breaking free, you have to set boundaries—and enforce them. No “one last date,” or last call to check in, stalking their social media, and so on. It’s hard at first, but remember every time you hold your boundary, you take back your power.

5. Remind yourself of why you’re leaving.

There will be moments when you miss them, when you second-guess yourself, when you wonder if you made a mistake. That’s normal. Keep a list of all the reasons why you’re walking away. Whenever you feel tempted to go back, read it. Remind yourself that you deserve better.

6. Focus on healing and rebuilding yourself.

Being in a wrong and especially toxic relationship strips you of your sense of self and individuality. It also calls for deeper introspection and healing so that you can understand why you allowed yourself to be treated like this in the first place. You have to look within and heal all your core wounds so that you can genuinely believe that you are worthy of a good relationship.

Remember: the right person won’t make you beg for love, respect, or basic kindness. And if they do, it’s time to walk away because not every person and relationship is meant for you. And you deserve better, always.

~