I’ve been thinking a lot about life lately. Specifically, living it on our own terms.

Are you living your life for you? Or are you living it for someone else?

When I met my now ex-husband, we were both in our mid-20s. Most of our friends were making huge life changes: buying houses, getting engaged and/or married and starting families. It seemed like the normal thing to do.

We wasted no time moving in together and starting our lives. After a few short months, I was pregnant.

When I think about it now, I wonder how much our decisions were influenced by what everyone else was doing, or what our families wanted. If we had really stopped and thought about it—if we had stopped and asked ourselves “Why are we doing this?— I think our answer would have been that we were doing it simply because everybody else was and we felt like we had to. Our families were expecting us to settle down and get married and have kids, so we did.

Now, I’m not saying that I would have made different decisions, but it is something I’ve been thinking a lot about. I post about living your best life and living it for yourself, and yet, I know I’m not the only one who has done things because I thought I had to. Because other people were expecting me to do them.

I’m sure a part of this mindset has to do with age and maturity. It wasn’t until I turned 40 that I really started thinking in terms of what I wanted for my life. I was unhappily married and knew that things were never going to get better, so I got divorced. It’s not as cut-and-dry as that, but you get the point.

We’ve all heard of people staying in marriages “for the kids.” I understand and can relate to the idea. I stayed for years longer than I should have because I was worried about my children. The truth is our kids weren’t happy either. Luckily for me, the divorce was best for all of us: me, my now-ex, and our two kids.

Ultimately, it came down to me wanting to be happy. I was committed to making the hard decisions and putting in the hard work to build a better life for myself and my children. I understand that everyone’s situation is different. No two stories are exactly the same, and I would never push my choices on anyone else.

However, I will ask that you consider these two questions:

Are you living your life for you or for others?

Are you truly happy?

We owe it to ourselves to take stock of our life and find the areas that don’t fulfill us or bring us joy. Because putting our own happiness first once in a while is not selfish—it’s necessary.

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