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What if reading this article finally gave you the permission to follow what your attachment system is pulling you toward?

How would it feel to finally exhale deeply and release all the shame, control, and mental chatter you agonize over in relation to your attachment system?

“Am I doing the right thing?”

“Should I text him back?”

“Does he even like me?”

After years of exploring, writing, and teaching about attachment, a part of my curiosity has been deeply satisfied by what I am about to share with you in this article based on my own experience.

A few years ago, I taught a fantastic course on my unique approach to navigating the anxious attachment wound—I called it “The Love Addict.”

In this course, I share the dilemma I encountered with the direction of traditional attachment literature and how it guides to suppress the activated attachment system and the real and utterly undeniable impulse and urge to move toward someone I was attracted to, like a magnet.

My work combines both of these realities—which makes it quite unique. I’ve always carried a deep knowing—a gnosis—that the attachment system, with its powerful pull, must hold a deeper purpose in life beyond simply striving to become “securely attached.”

Why would we feel such an undeniable force toward someone, only to learn how to suppress or control it with the mind?

My work offers a unique perspective on attachment because I integrate attachment theory with sexuality and spirituality in my teachings.

First, Sexuality.

As a sexuality teacher, I’ve observed that people often begin exploring sexuality with tangible, concrete desires—such as wanting to “have more fulfilling orgasms,” “maintain stronger erections,” or “cultivate deeper intimacy and connection.”

However, the true catalyst for this journey often originates from a deeper place: a soul-level calling. Through this process, the interweaving of sexuality and spirituality begins to emerge, guided by the soul’s purpose and readiness for expression.

Sexuality is a portal for soul connection and profound self-development. Sexuality to me means to meet in the soul. It carries a current. It is a life force energy. It is a facet of Eros.

Eros, the urge to merge, the force of creation and transformation sits at the essence of sexual energy. There are many other different facets of Eros. Heart Eros, Consciousness Eros, Creative Eros. When someone steps into the realm of sexual exploration, the current of life force begins to integrate into their existence.

As this process unfolds, initial goals—such as better orgasms or deeper intimacy—are often met. But beyond these surface-level desires, an awakening occurs. A connection to one’s soul purpose begins to emerge, revealing desires far greater than the mind could initially comprehend.

Let’s step over to Attachment for a moment.

Your attachment system—regardless of its style (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized)—is rooted in the abandonment wound.

At its core, every attachment style shares the same origin: the deep, primal wound of abandonment and a fundamental desire to be fully immersed in love.

When your wound is activated, it doesn’t stay static—it moves. It moves through your body, carried by the current of Eros, seeking an external object of focus.

For the avoidant, this movement may drive them away. For the anxious, it pulls them toward. But here’s the critical point: your abandonment wound is leading you somewhere.

Traditional attachment theory often encourages us to strive for “secure” attachment to cultivate healthy relationships. In doing so, it risks invalidating the wound’s inherent need for expression and movement.

Gaslighting the wound.

Let me be clear: your activated wound, carried by the current of Eros, seeks nothing less than the antidote—love in its deepest, purest frequency.

Yes, your attachment system is a pathway to core bonding. But the journey is neither simple nor linear.

The caveat:

Your attachment system is driving you toward love—and it does so via heartbreak.

Now on Love.

There is a deeper current of love within each of us. It moves beyond expectations, agendas, and conditions, flowing from an infinite source.

Paradoxically, this profound love is often accessed through the very places we are taught to suppress: our wounds, our attachment systems, our heartbreaks.

The abandonment wound—the root of anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles—carries the antidote to healing the heartbreak it perpetually seeks to resolve. It drives us to connect with others, bringing us face-to-face with the people and experiences that hold the potential for our greatest healing.

Your attachment system, in its wisdom, knows the medicine it needs. It seeks to guide you home—back to yourself.

When we suppress the wound—by ignoring it, rationalizing it, following the “method” or tips we are supposed to follow, or pretending it doesn’t exist—we push it further into the shadows. Yet, it yearns to be met by the deeper current of love.

This love resides within the core of your heartbreak. It is found in the depths of your heart, in the places where your identity fractures, your ego dissolves, and you confront the question: “What is my soul’s purpose?”

The Invitation.

This article offers a radical reframe: to follow where your attachment system is calling you.

Your abandonment wound holds wisdom—it is not meant to be silenced or ignored. It is calling you back to love, through the doorway of heartbreak.

Track and follow the wound as it moves:

From you to another,

From another back to you,

And ultimately, back to the deeper current of love that lies within.

Meet your heartbreak. Stay with it. Let it crack you open, dissolve your control, and bring yourself into the raw, tender frequency of love that resides at your core.

Your wound will find temporary satiation here, only to activate again. But with each activation, you have the opportunity to deepen your connection to love.

Stay tuned for my next article, where I’ll explore how to meet one another in heartbreak and in the meeting how you can feel the wound dissolve into what feels like gold in your body.

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